Badgers/Hoosiers Preview: Wisconsin Looks For Another Rout Against Indiana

Who: Wisconsin @ Indiana

Where: Memorial Stadium, Big Ten Network

When: Saturday, November 7, 11 AM CST.

It’s been a terrible week for former Wisconsin Badger football stars now playing in the NFL.

First tight end standout Owen Daniels injures his knee on Sunday against the Buffalo Bills. He’s out the rest of the season, cutting short a terrific year in which he was ranked second among tight ends in receptions.

On Monday, wide out Chris Chambers was waived by the contending San Diego Chargers. He was then picked up by the truly awful Kansas City Chiefs the next day.

Then on Thursday, former All-American defensive end and current NFL bust Erasmus “The Eraser” James was arrested on a tentative battery charge after he apparently got upset that he couldn’t get a drink past bar time at a popular UW-Madison watering hole. Methinks James would have calmed down if someone had just said to him, “Hey, Eraser, things could be worse. You could be playing for the Kansas City Chiefs.”

Meanwhile, Travis Beckum continues to be a forgotten man on the slumping New York Giants,  and the owner of Joe Thomas’s team, the Cleveland Browns, has been reduced to taking meetings with fans to apologize for the colossal embarrassment they’ve become.

(Hey, where’s my meeting with Dan Aykroyd? I’d like to talk to him about how he’s let his career go to hell for the majority of the last twenty-five years . . .)

Fortunately, things are much better with Bret Bielema’s current Badgers squad: Coming off a dominating 37-0 shutdown of a Purdue team that redefined just what the phrase “bad football” can mean, the Badgers are now back in the national rankings (#24 in AP; #22 USA Today) and look poised to win their last four games (despite three of them being on the road), which would give them a fine regular-season record of 10-2.

The final month of the season starts Saturday at Indiana, a team with only one conference win but a team that just last week took a lead against undefeated Iowa into the fourth quarter before eventually losing 42-24.

Here are the Channel 3000 3 storylines to watch in Saturday’s Wisconsin/ Indiana game at Memorial Stadium. 

1. Wither Scott Tolzien? Lost in the celebratory mood surrounding the Badgers’ destruction of the Boilermakers was the fact that quarterback Scott Tolzien struggled for the third consecutive week, completing only six of the thirteen passes that he threw for just 87 yards, all season lows.

Granted, Saturday’s game was about John Clay and the Badgers’ defense, but when Tolzien was called on to throw the ball, he looked as uncomfortable as Jack Black did making out with Cloris Leachman on last year’s post-Super Bowl episode of The Office. And the accuracy of his throws would have made JaMarcus Russell recoil in horror.

The Badgers would presumably like to improve on last week’s win by getting back to the more balanced style of offense they had earlier in the season. Indiana, ranked last in the Big Ten in passing defense, should be the team to help cure whatever is ailing Scott Tolzien. 

In his limited play, Curt Phillips has shown absolutely nothing to make anyone believe that he can realistically compete for Tolzien’s job. Getting Tolzien back on track is imperative for Wisconsin on Saturday.

2. Feet Of Clay. On the other hand, why fix it if it ain’t broke? Indiana’s run defense is better than its pass defense, but nobody would confuse Indiana’s front seven with the Pittsburgh Steelers’ run-stopping group. John Clay will undoubtedly be able to have success Saturday, so perhaps Bielema will just continue to ride his best offensive weapon.

Feeding the ball to Clay early and often may say less about Bielema’s confidence in Tolzien and more about his desire to keep Indiana’s Ben Chappell — the fourth-ranked QB in the conference despite having only one superb game — off the field. Chappell and receivers Tandon Doss and Damarlo Belcher are the best things going for Indiana right now, so limiting their playing time would be a solid gameplan.

3. One Shutout Is Good, But Two Is Better. Let’s not mince words. Wisconsin should bury Indiana. The Badgers have won four straight against the Hoosiers, including a 55-20 smackdown in Bloomington last year. And no one in Wisconsin needs to be reminded that the Badgers simply weren’t that good last year.

Can the Badgers’ defense, which has been stout since allowing 23 second-half points to Michigan State on September 26, pitch two shutouts in a row? Probably not, but they’ll come close enough to make it another long day for Indiana Hoosier fans.

Predicted final: Wisconsin 30, Indiana 7.

Sorry, Titletown. It’s Not 2003 Anymore.

It was Ted Thompson’s worst nightmare, and fittingly enough, it happened just hours after Halloween had expired.

Brett Favre. Celebrating at Lambeau Field. After having just beaten the Packers. As a member of the (shudder) Minnesota Vikings.

But the true nightmare for Mike McCarthy’s team is not that Brett Favre is now ahead of Ted Thompson in the greatest ongoing battle of will and ego since Roger Waters and David Gilmour fought over the use of the name “Pink Floyd.”

The Packers’ true nightmare, or at least it should be, is that by losing 38-26 to Favre’s Vikings on Sunday, they have virtually lost any hope they had of winning the NFC North title this season.

By sweeping the Packers and taking a 7-1 record into their bye week, the Vikings are virtually three games up on Green Bay’s soon-to-be 5-3 record (yes, I’m already putting next week’s game against Tampa Bay in the Packers’ win column; it’s the very definition of “lock of the week”). That three-game lead will be nearly impossible to erase over the course of eight weeks.

But hold it, you say. Aren’t the Minnesota Vikings the biggest choke artists in the history of professional sports? Aren’t they the team that a decade ago went 15-1 in the regular season and didn’t even make the Super Bowl? That started the 2003 season 6-0 and didn’t even make the playoffs? And then followed that up the next season by starting 5-1 only to finish at 8-8?

Well, yes.

It’s particularly tempting for Packers fans to look back on that 2003 season for reasons to believe that Green Bay has a shot at the NFC North title in 2009: In 2003, the Vikings held an even greater four-game lead on the Packers just seven weeks into the season. In the eighth game of the season, Green Bay beat Minnesota at the Metrodome, sparking a 7-2 run over the last nine weeks. The Vikings, meanwhile, went 3-6 over those nine weeks, culminating in a last-second loss to the terrible Arizona Cardinals that sent the purple home for the offseason and the Packers into the playoffs.

Unfortunately, the 2009 Vikings are not the 2003 Vikings and the 2009 Packers are not the 2003 Packers.

The 2003 Vikings had the turnover-prone Daunte Culpepper, the malcontent Randy Moss, the two-headed-garbage backfield of Michael Bennett and Moe Williams, a truly awful defense, and a true bonehead (Mike Tice) for a coach.

The 2009 Vikings have at worst a very good defense, an infinitely better rushing attack with Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor, unselfish receivers, and (yes, you knew I had to throw this in) a major upgrade at quarterback. And while Brad Childress isn’t exactly the second coming of Bud Grant, he’s not as big a putz as Tice was.

The 2009 Packers, meanwhile, look great on paper, in meaningless preseason games, and in lining up against the dregs of the NFL, but they carry with them major problems that are apparently irreparable under the current roster and regime.

This year’s Packers take too many penalties. Scratch that. They take too many stupid penalties. They don’t get pressure on the quarterback. Due to injury, they have an over-the-hill power running back returning kicks. And, most glaring of all, they possess one of the worst NFL offensive lines in recent memory which severely hinders their run game and makes Aaron Rodgers, who has become one of the NFL’s best quarterbacks in an astonishingly short period of time, the biggest whipping boy since Saved By The Bell’s Screech.

If the 2010 Packers can shore up that offensive line, they can play with anyone.

But this 2009 Packer team will be in a dogfight for one of two NFC Wild Card spots, and despite the alarming increase in godawful  NFL teams this year, the Packers will face some stiff competition for those spots: Atlanta, Chicago, and any team from the NFC East not based in the nation’s capital are talented teams that will be fighting with the Packers for a postseason berth.

To make matters worse, the Packers have already played the majority of their cupcake games: After Tampa, Green Bay must play Baltimore a rejuvenated Dallas, plus road games at Pittsburgh, at Arizona, and at Chicago.

The Vikings, meanwhile, get a very winnable three-game home stand after their bye week, and while some may question Favre’s durability as the season progresses, it seems just as likely that having the Packers games behind him has to be such a huge relief that he might even start to play better.

Favre continuing to play better? Now that he’s swept the Packers, that’s the NFC’s nightmare, not Ted Thompson’s.

Boilermakers/Badgers Preview: The Power Of Good Byes

What: Purdue @ Wisconsin.

Where: Camp Randall Stadium, ESPN2

When: Saturday, October 31, 11 AM CST.

I love the double bye.

I support the double bye.

I miss the double bye.

For anyone too young or for anyone too heavily engaged in the then-dominant stoner grunge scene to remember it clearly, the 1993 NFL season was the season of the double bye.  

For the first and only time, NFL teams (there were only 28 back then) played their 16 games over a period of 18 weeks, ensuring that each team had two bye weeks.

Also ensuring that NFL fans had an extra week to enjoy meaningful games.

But supposedly most teams found the double bye weeks too disruptive and the experiment, like The Golden Girls spin-off, ended after only one year.

But this year, the Wisconsin Badgers are bringing back the double byes, having just come off of one and also having another one over the Thanksgiving break before finishing the regular season at Hawaii the first Saturday in December.

Whatever fans might think of the weeks off, it’s clear that the first bye came at an opportune time for the Badgers, who needed the extra time to regroup after they were dominated for the first time this season two weeks ago against the then- and still-undefeated Iowa Hawkeyes. (I’m still calling that Ohio State loss a result of giving up big plays and not of being dominated.)

On paper, the Badgers should win the reminder of their games, but perhaps no upcoming game is more of a question mark than Saturday’s home game against Purdue.

Here are the Channel 3000 3 storylines for Halloween’s Badger/Boilermaker tilt, which is, oddly enough, the team’s first meeting since 2006, which Wisconsin won 24-3.

1. Who are these guys? At the start of this season, many were confused about the Badgers’ true identity, as the emergence of quarterback Scott Tolzien led to a much more balanced offensive attack than most preseason predictions indicated.

But a glance at Purdue’s 2009 wins and losses reveals the makings of a real schizophrenic squad: A win against Ohio State and a heartbreaking 38-36 loss to No. 10 Oregon suggests a very good team, while losses to Northern Illinois and Minnesota (part of an overall five-game losing streak) suggest a very bad team.

It’s fairly simple: Purdue can win when its defense plays well and when its offense limits mistakes. The Boilermakers had their first turnover-free game of the season last week against Illinois and the week before held Ohio State to just 287 yards of total offense while forcing Terrelle Pryor and company into five turnovers.

If the Boilermakers can force the suddenly error-prone Scott Tolzien (five interceptions in his last two games) into turning the ball over, they’ll have a good chance at pulling the upset.

2. Run Johnny Run. How do the Badgers best put Scott Tolzien into a position to regain his early season form? Simply by running the football with John Clay. Not coincidentally, Clay has been held in check during the Badgers’ two-game losing streak, totalling just 134 yards on the ground after besting that total in three of the Badgers’ first five wins.  

The good news for  pre=”for “>Tolzien and Clay (and freshman Montee Ball and Zach Brown, who returns after missing the Iowa game with a concussion) is that Purdue is lousy against the run, surrendering 156 yards a game and a conference-worst 18 rushing touchdowns on the season. If the Badgers can establish the run against Purdue, and all signs indicate that they should be able to, Wisconsin should snap their losing streak.

3. Protect the quarterback, pressure the quarterback. Purdue quarterback Joey Elliott has quietly been having a great season, ranking second in the conference and 15th in the nation in total offense per game (280 yards). The Badgers need to get pressure on him to try to discombobulate the Boilermakers’ proficient passing attack. Elliott has only been sacked twice during Purdue’s two-game winning streak.

Conversely, over the last two weeks, Scott Tolzien has been dumped more often than Willie Parker from NFL fantasy football rosters: Ten sacks in the last two games. When Tolzien is called on to make plays — and hey, even JaMarcus Russell is called on to make plays — the Badgers’ O-line has to do a better job of keeping him upright.

Despite Purdue being a tougher out than most people — even after the Ohio State upset — probably give them credit for, this looks like a good matchup for Wisconsin, particularly at home, and particularly coming off the first of their two bye weeks.

Predicted final: Wisconsin 35, Purdue 20.

NFL Trimester Report: The Best Blog Entry Ever

This week I was surprised to discover that Yahoo! featured a sports blog entry as one of the featured news stories on its home page. (I’m not going to link to it, the writer’s gotten enough play from it.)

The entry concerned one of the many botched calls in this year’s baseball playoffs, calling the Game 4 ALCS play in which Yankee Robinson Cano was ruled safe despite being clearly tagged out by Angels catcher Mike Napoli “the worst call of all time.”

Now clearly that’s ridiculous hyperbole. An argument could be made that the call in question wasn’t even the worst call in this year’s baseball postseason — Joe Mauer’s ALDS Game 2 foul ball that clearly wasn’t foul, anyone? — much less the worst call in history.

But clearlythe tactic worked — yes, I know the blogger in question works for Yahoo! Sports, but, to speak in old-school terms, getting the “above the fold” exposure is colossal on a Web site that reportedly gets 1.575 billion visitors annually. The guy is probably next in line to replace Steve ”Crotch Birthmark”  Phillips on ESPN.

Anyway, armed with the new knowledge that crazy exaggeration equals page views, I present my similarly-overblown trimester report card on all 32 NFL teams.

AFC East:

1. New England Patriots. After starting the season in disappointing fashion — a shaky win against a lousy Buffalo team and an ugly loss to the New York Jets wasn’t how people envisioned the return of all that is Tom Brady — everything now seems rosy in Patriots country. After last week’s 59-0 win over Tennessee – the most dominating victory in the history of American sports – the Patriots are officially scary again. Grade so far: A-
2. New York Jets. Mark Sanchez has gone from the toast of New York to the worst quarterback in Jets history in a span of three weeks. Only JaMarcus Russell – the worst quarterback in the history of the NFL – has generated worse statistics over six games. The Jets run the ball great and still have a good defense, but ask the 2008 Minnesota Vikings how fall that will get you. Grade so far: C+
3. Miami Dolphins. The 2009 Dolphins have the best running game in the history of the NFL. The great rushing attack allows them to convert on third downs (where they lead the NFL), keep the ball (they lead the NFL in TOP), and be the only team in the league to effectively use the wildcat, which for other teams works about as well as a third-generation carpet sweeper. Their problem? An unproven quarterback (although due to byes, I’m starting him this week, so go Chad!). Grade: C
4. Buffalo Bills. Ugh. How this team has won two games is a bigger mystery than why people watch Ghost Whisperer. The 2009 Bills will go down in history as the losing team in the worst game ever played in professional sports, a 6-3 loss to Cleveland at home. Grade: D

 AFC North:

1. Cincinnati Bengals. I’m not ready to give up on this team after last week’s inexplicable loss to the Houston Texans. Cedric Benson is having the best comeback season by a running back in league history and their schedule from Thanksgiving on looks like cake. Grade: B+
2. Pittsburgh Steelers. Sunday’s game against the undefeated Minnesota Vikings will tell us a lot, but the 2009 Steelers are playing remarkably uninspired football. They also have the stupidest kicker in the league in Jeff “Fighting Stance” Reed. No surprise he’s only hit on 70 percent of his field goal chances. Grade: B
3. Baltimore Ravens. I know they’re only 3-3, but with Joe Flacco, Ray Rice, and Ray Lewis on board, I can’t imagine this team, currently the most underachieving team in football, not making the playoffs. I just don’t know who they take out. Grade: B
4. Cleveland Browns. The worst quarterback tandem in the history of the NFL. The worst head coach in football. Poor Joe Thomas. I’ll bet he wishes he was fishing with his dad every weekend of the NFL season. Grade: F

AFC South:

1. Indianapolis Colts. The only negative thing you can say about this team under first-year head coach Jim Caldwell is that their 5-0 start makes previous accomplishments by good guy Tony Dungy seem less impressive. Peyton Manning is the best player in football. Grade: A
2. Jacksonville Jaguars. The Jaguars are on the bye, although since the Jaguars have the worst fan support in NFL history, not many people might notice. But for anyone paying attention, the Jags have won three games, but two of them were against teams that have yet to win. And they aren’t that far removed from getting thumped 41-0 by a mediocre team. Grade: C
3. Houston Texans. Studs on offense. Will that be enough to get the Texans, consistently the worst franchise in the history of the NFL, their first playoff berth? Nope. Grade: C+
4. Tennessee Titans. Oh boy. Suffice it to say that this is the most disappointing team in the history of sports, be it professional, amateur, American, African, Indonesian, whatever. Jeff Fisher needs a hug. Grade: F

 AFC West:

1. Denver Broncos. I believe. I believe. The most surprising team in the history of the NFL, particularly on defense. Grade: A
2. San Diego Chargers. How can a team with LaDaianian Tomlinson and Darren Sproles have the most disappointingly awful rushing attack in the history of the league? If they can become more balanced on offense, this traditionally late-starting team still has a chance. Grade: C
3. Oakland Raiders. The most disorganized mess in professional sports. I don’t put any stock in their surprising victory over Philadelphia. Grade: F
4. Kansas City Chiefs. Despite a lousy record, they’ve played some teams tough. The best 1-5 team in the NFL. Grade: C-

 NFC East:

1. New York Giants. The Giants are talented. They’ve also had – before last week’s New Orleans game – a cake schedule. The most overrated team in the NFL. Grade: B+
2. Philadelphia Eagles. 54 pass plays and 12 run plays in a close loss to the Raiders? When you have Brian Westbrook and LeSean McCoy? Andy Reid is the most overrated coach in football. Grade: B-
3. Dallas Cowboys. Everybody loves to dump on Dallas. So I will too. Even without T.O., this is the most dysfunctional team in football that has yet to win a game against a quality opponent. Tony Romo and Wade Phillips are not long for Big D. Love the videoboard, though. Grade: C-
4. Washington Redskins. The most putrid display of offense in NFL history. Grade: F

NFC North:

1. Minnesota Vikings. With Antonie Winfield out, the Vikings’ secondary is the worst in the league. When teams start to figure that out, things will start to get dicey for Brett Favre and company. Oops, judging by last week’s fourth quarter against Baltimore, teams already have. Grade: B+
2. Green Bay Packers. How do you beat a team 26-0 but still look lousy? By having the worst offensive line in NFL history. Penalties are a continuing issue too. Love Aaron Rodgers though. And Aaron Kampmann and Ryan Grant looked better last week, too. The Packers will need those two players performing at a high level if they want to return to the postseason. Grade: B-
3. Chicago Bears. If the Bears can get Matt Forte going, they have a real chance of winning this division. The team best equipped to make a late-season run. Grade: B
4. Detroit Lions. They play hard. But they have the least amount of talent among any NFL team. Grade: D

NFC South:

1. New Orleans Saints. They are the Saints, so I’m wondering how they can screw this up going forward. But for now, they are the best team in football. What’s gotten into Darren Sharper? Grade: A
2. Atlanta Falcons. Matt Ryan is the best second-year QB in the history of the league. And don’t look now, but the Falcons defense is statistically the fourth-best in the league. Grade: A-
3. Carolina Panthers. What’s happening with wide receiver Steve Smith is the biggest waste of an NFL individual talent in years. I would have written “NFL history,” but I still remember what happened to Randy Moss when he went to Oakland. Grade: D
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Enough to make Bucs fans yearn for their glory expansion years of 1976-1977 when they went 0-26. This team will not win a game in 2009. Grade: F

NFC West:

1. San Francisco 49ers. Mike Singletary is the most entertaining head coach in the history of the league. With Michael Crabtree and the return of Frank Gore, his team is in good shape too. Grade: B
2. Arizona Cardinals. This team has to learn to run the football. The most insanely imbalanced offense in the league. Grade: B-
3. Seattle Seahawks. Take out the two shutout wins (over Jacksonville and St. Louis), and you have a pretty mediocre team. The least interesting team in football. Grade: C
4. St. Louis Rams. It’s amazing how far this team has fallen from the years of the “greatest show on turf.” The worst team in football. Grade: F

Badgers Hope To Bounce Back Against Tough Hawkeye Team

Who: Iowa Hawkeyes @ Wisconsin Badgers.

Where: Camp Randall Stadium, ESPN.

When:  Saturday, October 17, 11 AM CST.

 

If you like television — and really, don’t you believe those people with the “Kill Your Television” license plates are scary crazy? — you should check out a book called The Last Great Ride by the late NBC president Brandon Tartikoff.

The Last Great Ride is full of great stories about the TV industry, but one of the best concerns the casting of the sitcom Family Ties.

Tartikoff was unimpressed by Michael J. Fox and tried to talk the producers out of casting the then-unknown Canadian actor as Alex P. Keaton. “This is not the kind of face you’ll ever see on a lunch box,” Tartikoff protested. Of course, after Back to the Future became a monster hit, Fox’s mug did indeed appear on lunch boxes, one of which he sent to Tartikoff.

With the box, Fox included this note: “This is for you to put your crow in.” 

Well, after the Buckeyes beat the Badgers by 18 points after I had loudly and vehemently protested that game’s 16-point spread, my readers informed me it was my turn to eat crow.

“Mike” sarcastically wrote: “Jeff, you were right. It was 18 points, not 16. The oddsmakers sure got that one wrong. Defenses are just too strong for the O line of Wissyconsin.”

Well, Mike, yes. I was wrong. (Although I did pick Ohio State to win.) But here’s my argument: If Wisconsin and Ohio State were to line up and play every Saturday for the rest of the season, I strongly doubt that any meeting is that lopsided again. No team can count on three non-offensive touchdowns every week.

To my last point, “Kyle” wrote, “It doesn’t matter how a TD is scored — it’s 6 points either way. If those two INTs and the KO return did not go for TDs, that’s three offensive possessions for OSU where they have an opportunity to score an offensive TD, like they did right before the end of the first half with extreme prejudice.”

Kyle seems to think that OSU could have and would have scored more on offense had they had the ball more — because of defensive and special teams scoring, OSU only ran 40 offensive plays, just three in the third quarter. But that’s simply ignoring how inept OSU’s offense, and Terrelle Pryor in particular, were throughout that game.

Take out the one drive at the end of the first half, and OSU’s offensive drives netted totals of 9, 11, 4, 0, 7, 60 (field goal), -3, and -1 yards. Those are numbers that would make Cleveland Browns fans wince.

Mike was right about one thing though: Wisconsin’s offensive line — which announcer Matt “31-84″ Millen regrettably gushed about during the pregame — was beyond lousy, as they failed to open any running lanes for John Clay and, much worse, allowed six sacks.

Watching Tolzien take a beating on Saturday certainly gave many fans unwanted flashbacks to last Monday night’s Packers/Vikings game, when Rodgers hit the turf eight times.

The good news for the Packers is they get Detroit and Cleveland next. The bad news for the Badgers is they get Iowa.

You know, Iowa, the only unbeaten team in the Big Ten.

Iowa, the team that’s won ten games in a row dating back to last season.

Iowa, the team that’s beaten Wisconsin in five of its last seven meetings, including a 38-16 beatdown last year.

But despite their unblemished 6-0 record, not everything is perfect with Kirk Ferentz’s team. How else could you explain the fact that the Hawkeyes narrowly escaped getting beaten by a downtrodden Arkansas State team just two weeks ago?

Wisconsin needs this game. While their upcoming schedule is soft enough to prevent a repeat of last year’s long losing streak, they need to beat Iowa if they want to once again be considered anywhere near among the elite teams in the Big Ten.

Here are the Channel 3000 3 storylines to Saturday’s Homecoming battle for the Heartland Trophy:

1. Get Down On The Ground. Even though quarterback Scott Tolzien had his worst day as a starter against Ohio State, he only looked truly befuddled twice: His throw that was intercepted by Kurt Coleman in the first quarter for a pick-six, and his futile attempt to get a high five from someone, anyone after the Badgers’ successful fake field goal went for a touchdown in the second quarter.

(I smell a new catch phrase here, namely, the use of “Tolziened” instead of “snubbed.” Try this out: You’re waiting to buy a drink. The bartender keeps passing you up to service attractive women. You turn to your friends and say, “I’m getting totally Tolziened here!” Yeah, I know Tolzien was the one that got snubbed. He wasn’t doing the snubbing. But come on, don’t ruin my brand-new catchphrase with your Vulcan-like logic.)

Despite Tolzien’s not that-bad day, look for Bret Bielema and Paul Chryst to make things easier on their QB this Saturday by pounding the football with John Clay. That should give the Badgers the best chance for success on offense: Wisconsin leads the Big Ten in rushing, while only one Big Ten team gives up more yards per rushing attempt than Iowa.

2. Flip the Script. Last week both of Scott Tolzien’s interceptions were returned for touchdowns. This week at quarterback the Badgers face Iowa’s Ricky Stanzi, who has already thrown eight interceptions, three of which Iowa’s opponents have returned for touchdowns. The Badgers have nine interceptions on the season but, like showboating 49ers cornerback Dre Bly, have yet to take one to the house.

In what looks to be a game dominated by defense – Iowa is third in the conference in defense but a lowly ninth in scoring — the Badgers would love to do to Iowa what Ohio State did to them last week and score with their offense on the sidelines.

3. Battle of the Tight Ends. Anyone who plays fantasy football knows the increased role tight ends are playing in both college and professional football this year. (They also know not to start, under any circumstances, anyone who plays for the Oakland Raiders.)

Iowa and Wisconsin have two of the best tight ends in the country — Wisconsin’s Garrett Graham ranks third in the country among tight ends in receptions and fourth in yards. Meanwhile, since returning from an ankle injury, Iowa’s Tony Moeaki is hotter than Blake Lively in a backless dress: In only three games, he has 17 receptions for 192 yards and three touchdowns.

Tolzien and Stanzi rely on Graham and Moeaki for their success as much as John Oates relies on his partnership with Daryl Hall to pay his mortgage. Whichever tight end is best able to make plays on Saturday may be enough to make the difference.

Badgers, Buckeyes Battle For Big Ten Supremacy

Who: Wisconsin Badgers @ Ohio State Buckeyes.

Where: Ohio Stadium, ABC.

When: Saturday, October 10, 2:30 PM CST.

Sometimes people aren’t so smart.

For example, last Tuesday I overheard a restaurant employee complaining to a colleague about the Packers’ loss to the Vikings the night before: “The defense couldn’t stop the run,” he moaned.

Uh, person who should have been giving me my Angus Third Pound burger instead of pontificating on football: What game were you watching?  I’d say holding the NFC’s leading rusher to 55 yards on 25 carries was nothing short of spectacular run defense. The problem for the Packers Monday night was that the only person who was hitting the turf quicker and harder than Adrian Peterson was Aaron Rodgers.

Then today I read an on-line story that included a shot of the next issue of Entertainment Weekly: The obviously doctored cover photo shows a pants less David Letterman. Among the posted reader comments was one complaining that if Letterman really wanted his scandal to go away, he shouldn’t be posing for magazine covers.

Uh, clearly deluded person who thought the photo was genuine: You really think that David Letterman, a celebrity who fiercely guards his private life, would call a national magazine in the middle of a hugely embarrassing personal sex scandal and say, “I’ve got a great idea. You should take a photo for the cover of me with my pants off. You know, because I couldn’t keep my pants on at work because I was so busy having lots of sex. It’ll be hysterical!”

But the most egregious example of stupidity I came across this week was finding out that the Ohio State Buckeyes football team was favored by no fewer than 16 points to beat the Wisconsin Badgers on Saturday.

16 points? What is this, Florida versus Charleston Southern? The Harlem Globetrotters versus the Atlantic City Seagulls? The New York Yankees versus the Minnesota Twins?

The odds makers clearly haven’t been watching the Badgers play football.

The Badgers are a respectable 3-3 in their last six meetings with Ohio State. Only one of those losses, a 38-17 defeat in 2007, was out of hand. And even in that game, the Badgers led 17-10 in the third quarter. When Ohio State was the number one-ranked team in the country. And the Badgers had a sluggish rushing attack because their star running back at the time, P.J. Hill, was out due to injury.

More importantly, the Badgers are playing good football right now. They dominated the Gophers last week in Minneapolis, particularly in the second half. Wisconsin currently leads the Big Ten in five key categories: Scoring offense, rushing offense, passer efficiency, turnover margin, and fewest sacks allowed.

Most importantly, they’re undefeated and one of only two Big Ten teams to be 2-0 in the conference.

That other team? Ohio State.

Yeah, they’re good too. But not 16 points better than the Badgers, even in Columbus.

Let’s take a look at the Channel 3000 3 storylines to Saturday’s game:

1. John Clay versus the Buckeyes run defense. If there was any doubt who Wisconsin’s best runner was, Clay obliterated that with his 184-yard performance against Minnesota. Not only is Clay Wisconsin’s best runner, he’s the Big Ten’s best runner and statistically the fourth-best runner in the country.

Ohio State, however, boasts the conference’s best rushing defense, allowing a ridiculously low 18 yards on the ground last week against Illinois. But the Buckeyes haven’t faced a back as tough to bring down as Clay.

2. Scott Tolzien versus Terrelle Pryor. In his first road game last week, Wisconsin quarterback Scott Tolzien came back to earth a bit; he needed and got the run game that Clay provided to bolster his comparatively pedestrian performance (16-26, 1 TD, 1 INT).

Meanwhile, the Badgers held Ohio State quarterback Terrelle Pryor in check in last year’s 20-17 loss. Well, until the Buckeyes’ 80-yard fourth-quarter scoring drive that won them the game.

If the Badgers’ defense can pressure or otherwise confuse Pryor, they should be able to force Pryor into some poor throws. (Pryor has already been picked off five times this season while the Badgers have forced a league-best 15 turnovers).

While Pryor has received the media attention, Tolzien has actually been the superior quarterback, bettering Pryor in every statistical category. If Tolzien can outperform Pryor on Saturday, he should start getting the national attention he deserves.

3. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Despite getting better every week, despite a passing game better than anyone could have hoped for entering the season, despite an elite rushing attack, despite a ball hawking, opportunistic, aggressive defense, the 16-point spread in this game shows Wisconsin clearly isn’t held in high regard.

I don’t think they’ll win the game, but in their toughest contest of the season, the Badgers will make things interesting enough to earn that elusive respect.

Predicted final: Ohio State 21, Wisconsin 17.

Badgers/Gophers Preview: You Know, That Other Rivalry Game

Who: Wisconsin Badgers @ Minnesota Gophers

Where: TCF Bank Stadium, ESPN

When: Saturday, October 3, 11 AM CST.

In listening to the new Beatles remasters, I keep having the same thought over and over:

Man, that Paul McCartney can play the bass.

In continuing with my musings, I also consider how McCartney was clearly the best vocalist of the four, clearly the best looking of the four (not completely irrelevant in their embroynic period), and not that far behind Lennon in terms of songwriting.

Yet Beatle Paul is almost universally underappreciated and disrespected in comparison to Beatle John.

I feel the same way about this weekend’s Wisconsin/Minnesota Border Battles: The Packers/Vikings game is getting all the attention, while the Badgers/Gophers game is getting no respect.

And like I could make several arguments why Paul McCartney was the most talented Beatle, I could make several arguments why the Badgers/ Gophers match-up Saturday will actually be the better game.

So here, with a nod to the Beatles, are the Channel 3000 3 storylines to watch as the Badgers travel to Minneapolis to continue the longest rivalry in NCAA Division 1-A football:

1. Why Don’t We Do It (On) The Road? The Badgers — particularly Scott Tolzien — have been fairly impressive so far, but can they repeat their early-season success on the road?

Last year’s Badger team was uninspiring away from Camp Randall, beating only Fresno State and lowly Indiana to finish 2-4 (including that awful showing in the Florida Citrus Bowl) on the road.

With upcoming games against Top 25 teams Ohio State and Iowa (the Hawkeyes coming off that big upset over Penn State), it’s imperative for Wisconsin to play well in Minneapolis Saturday to avoid a slide reminiscent of last year’s 0-4 stretch.

Beyond the obvious aesthetic improvements over the crappy Metrodome and the fact that alcohol is now no longer sold at Gopher home games, the fact that the game is Minnesota’s first Big Ten game in their new on-campus TCF Bank Stadium shouldn’t matter much. They could play this game at the new $1.3 billion Cowboys Stadium or at Appleton West High School and it would be a game that both teams have circled on their calendars.

2. Will Scott Tolzien Be Throwing Here, There, and Everywhere?  Wisconsin’s passing game is improving every week, and while fans shouldn’t expect Tolzien to repeat his four-touchdown performance from a week ago that came against a horrid Michigan State secondary, it’s worth noting that Minnesota has its own issues with its defense.

Just last week, the Gophers gave up a whopping 309 passing yards in a 35-24 victory against Northwestern; then, on Monday, Minnesota coach Tim Brewster suspended two defensive players for violating team rules.

Seems like the Minnesota defense is as good a defense as any for Tolzien to face in his first conference road game.

3. Will Eric Decker Have The Badgers Secondary Yelling “Help!”? Wisconsin’s defense did a fine job last week of shutting down Michigan State’s formidable passing attack, only allowing the Spartans to open it up after building a 38-17 fourth-quarter lead. (255 of MSU’s 396 passing yards came in the final quarter.)

Now Wisconsin’s backfield has to contend with Minnesota wideout Eric Decker, who is statistically the third-best receiver in the country: In four games this year, Decker has four touchdowns while averaging over 124 yards a game.

Last year, in what was a wild 35-32 Wisconsin win at home, Decker was out; two years ago, Decker torched the Badgers for 125 yards on just six receptions for two touchdowns. Decker is the best opposing skill player the Badgers have faced so far this season and they will have their hands full containing him.

In my preseason preview, I picked the Badgers to suffer their first loss of the season on Saturday. Obviously I’ve been right so far, but given the unexpected strong play of Scott Tolzien (which has been so good people have been forgetting about the run game, which oh, by the way, is second in the Big Ten) I expect to be proven wrong.

Picking the Gophers to take possession of Paul Bunyan’s Axe, which has only happened twice since 1995?

I Should Have Known Better.

Not Impressed

Three years ago, my wife and I took a driving trip with my parents out east to visit the Sesame Place theme park.

Since my parents are just a tad frugal, we tried to compromise on the luxuriousness of the hotels that we would stay at, which led us to make on-line reservations at some budget-type hotels.

Imagine our surprise when we pulled into one such hotel in Columbus, Ohio, and found out that it was located right next to a strip club.

Not exactly what you’re looking for when traveling with a three-year-old.

But, trying not to be difficult, my wife and I went against our better judgment and spent the night there anyway. But we never would have stayed there if we had been there without my folks.

I bring this up in light of an ongoing controversy that’s happening here in the Madison area concerning a hotel and a nearby nightclub. Turns out the hotel is refunding thousands of dollars to guests who have complained about the noise from said nightclub, which just happens to be Dane County’s largest.

Well, I tended to be a little sympathetic to those disgruntled hotel guests until I just randomly happened to drive by the area earlier today.

The nightclub, which is about the size of the Mall of America, is literally RIGHT ON TOP of this hotel. They are closer than crazies Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie circa 2001.

I say if you pull into this hotel and you don’t cancel your reservation after finding out that it’s six feet from a cavernous edifice that advertises on its marquee “Tonight Only — Tribute To Tool,” then I’m sorry, but I’m not impressed by your lack of prognosticating what the noise level will be like around 1:30 a.m.

Here’s what else I’m not impressed with after week 3 of the NFL season, and most of it hits close to home:

The Detroit Lions. Yay. You won a game. Your second game in the last 21 months. I’m sorry if I don’t join the Motor City conga line over this one, but you didn’t beat the Indianapolis Colts, you beat a team at home that is worse than you.

The Washington Redskins are absolutely awful. How Jim Zorn still has a job is as confusing to me as how people can sit through America’s Got Talent (based on this show, I’d say it doesn’t).

Detroit, you’re going to win again this year. Probably at least twice. Try not to act like you just won the Super Bowl next time.

The Green Bay Packers. Whoopee. You beat up on the St. Louis Rams. The same Rams that last week lost to Washington.

This just in: The Rams stink worse than a highway rest area men’s room.

Here’s what’s troubling about the Packers win at St. Louis: The offense isn’t clicking nearly as well as the preseason hype led us to believe it would. Despite starting early drives at the Rams 10 and the Rams 12, the Packers could only muster field goals, gaining a total of 26 yards on three first-quarter drives.  They could not sustain drives,  ending the day a paltry 2-for-9 on third downs. Sure, they converted on some big plays, but big plays aren’t going to be there against better defenses.

The Packers defense also gave up 17 points and 22 first downs to the team with statistically the worst offense in the league. The Rams had totaled 7 points and 27 first downs in the previous two games combined. 

Seems to me that the Packers’ defense is beginning to look as suspect as new coordinator Dom Capers’s toupee.

The good news: The Packers’ offensive line at least played better, and they held their penalties in check (“only” 6 for 51 yards). And those big plays surely delighted the Packers fans in attendance (there was at least as much green and gold as there was blue and gold at the Edward James Dome on Sunday). But there can be no doubt that this is a flawed team heading to the Metrodome on Monday night.

The Minnesota Vikings. That final play against the 49ers? Impressive, yes. But also very, very lucky. I would say eight times out of ten Favre doesn’t convert on that throw. (And it was a better catch by Lewis than throw by Favre.)

The Vikings certainly have to be favored in Monday’s night “game of the century,” but not all is right with the 3-0 Purple People Eaters. Their defense was pushed to the brink — not early, but in crunch time — by a team that lost its only legitimate offensive threat early in the first quarter. That defense allowed misfits Shaun Hill and Vernon Davis to connect way too many times.

And the Vikings offense? Like Rodgers, Favre is struggling to maintain drives. But after Sunday’s final miracle play, the Vikings have to be confident heading into Monday night.

The Chicago Bears. On Sunday, the Bears barely beat Seattle, a mediocre team that was without its starting quarterback and six other starters. And even then they needed help from some missed field goals to stay close. (Love the rant you spewed against Olindo Mare, Jim Mora. I’m sure that did wonders for your kicker’s confidence.)

And after Pittsburgh lost to Cincinnati on Sunday, suddenly the Bears’ victory against the Steelers last week doesn’t look that awe-inspiring.

My fantasy football team. So glad I drafted LaDainian Tomlinson over Drew Brees. This week my opponent basically doubled my score. It’s enough to make me want to go over to Scatz’s for 2-for-1 rail mixers.

 

Badgers/Spartans Preview: Passing Game Is Key

Who: Michigan State Spartans @ Wisconsin Badgers.

Where: Camp Randall Stadium, ESPN

When: Saturday, September 27, 11 AM CST.

Normally the ladies of ABC’s The View and the (mostly) male anchors and reporters of ESPN (like ABC, owned by Disney) don’t cover too many of the same topics. Oh, if a star athlete is discovered to be dating a woman who has recently placed on a Maxim or FHM “hot” list, then Bob Ley and Whoopi Goldberg might exchange some notes, but such cross-pollination is rare.

The major exception to the rule? Twice a year when TV viewers can find out either through “Hot Topics” or through SportsCenter just who has been selected for the latest incarnation of Dancing with the Stars.

And every time my reaction is the same: Who are these guys?

Many Badger football fans are asking themselves the same thing about their team as Bucky gets set to host Michigan State in the Big Ten opener on Saturday.

Where Bret Bielema once preached running the football and winning the time of possession battle, the Badgers through three non-conference games have proven to be remarkably balanced, piling up 598 yards on the ground and – here’s the surprise – 678 yards through the air.

They’ve also been coming up short in TOP, but as the Miami Dolphins just proved, winning clock doesn’t automatically translate to winning games.

You’d have to go back to 2003 to find a season in which the Badgers did not get off to a 3-0 start, so perfection in the non-conference schedule is nothing new to Wisconsin fans. But what is new is the trepidation many fans feel as the team is just one year removed from a 3-0 start that went south as quickly as the last 30 minutes of Stripes.

So here are the Channel 3000 3 storylines to watch as the Badgers welcome in Michigan State:

1. How good are the Badgers? This is the proverbial elephant in the room. Sure, the Badgers dominated Northern Illinois for three quarters and embarrassed a poorly-undermanned Wofford team, but they also looked awful defensively at times against Fresno State, came frighteningly close to letting the Huskies steal the opener, and were as sloppy as a drunken David Hasselhoff eating a hamburger against the Terriers. If they come out on Saturday like they came out against Wofford, they will lose.

Conversely, Saturday’s game could say a lot about how important it is for teams to test themselves early in the season: Michigan State is 1-2 but is coming off a last-second loss to a highly-touted (well, at least until they lost to Michigan) Notre Dame team. Will they be battle-tested or battle-weary?

2. How good is Scott Tolzien? The Badgers’ quarterback play has been the biggest surprise  — in a good way — of the young 2009 season. Tolzien currently ranks number 2 in the Big Ten in passer rating (161.8) and completion percentage (69.1) and he has quickly established a much better rapport with a group of core receivers (Anderson, Toon, Graham) than  Dustin Sherer ever did (to say nothing of Allan Evridge).

Whereas it may seem that Tolzien should be in for his first real test, he gets to face a team that so far has proven to be horrible at defending the pass.

Michigan State has allowed opposing quarterbacks to complete a higher percentage of passes than any team in the Big Ten. They’ve also allowed the most passing touchdowns of any team in the Big Ten and they are second to last in passing yards allowed. The Spartans defense is much stronger against the run, so the game may be put in Tolzien’s hands.

The last two meetings between Michigan State and Wisconsin have been ridiculously close — if Tolzien needs to make a play to win the Badgers the game and he does it, his stock will rise considerably.

3. How good is the Badgers secondary? Remember that statistic about Tolzien being second in the Big Ten in major passing categories? Who’s above him? Michigan State’s sophomore quarterback Kirk Cousins.

The stats indicate that Wisconsin is pretty average defensively. But surely Badger fans recall wanting to claw their eyes out watching how terrible the Wisconsin secondary looked against Fresno State. Fortunately, the Badgers made some halftime adjustments in that game and looked much better in the second half. And against Wofford, their defensive backfield was not even challenged.

Cousins and the Spartans will give the Badger secondary not only its biggest test so far but perhaps its biggest test of the season. How they respond will go a long way in determining whether Wisconsin can go to 4-0.

Huh?

One of my daughter’s favorite books is a Sesame Street classic entitled No Cookies?, which is about Cookie Monster’s nephew Max and his refusal to eat cookies.

In the book, Cookie Monster is understandably dumbfounded and despondent over Max’s disinterest in cookies. Cookie Monster’s confusion is shared by his Sesame Street friends, all of whom offer Max cookies (he is Cookie Monster’s nephew, after all) only to be rudely rebuffed by Max intoning the titular phrase “No cookies.”

From Cookie Monster to Big Bird to Bert and Ernie to Baby Bear to Elmo to Zoe, all of the characters’ reactions to Max’s seeming hatred of cookies is a befuddled “Huh?”

That’s how I felt watching football this past weekend.

Let’s start with the Wisconsin game on Saturday. Now I certainly expected the Badgers to prevail against the mighty Terriers of Wofford, but I will admit that after two hardly encouraging non-conference wins, I was a tad nervous that the Terriers of the Football Championship Subdivision (formerly Division I-AA) would be able to keep things close.

After all, the Badgers didn’t blow away The Citadel in 2007 and they were extremely lucky to escape with a win against Cal Poly last year.

Turns out there was little need for concern as the Badgers whipped Wofford  44-14.

But besides quarterback Scott Tolzien’s continued impressive play — the junior finished 15-for-20 with two touchdowns before being spelled for Curt “what happened to the QB controversy?” Phillips — the game featured tons of head-scratching moments.

Three of the first six plays from scrimmage — and two of Wisconsin’s first five – resulted in lost fumbles. Overall the Badgers fumbled a whopping six times, losing three of them.

Huh?

For a team looking to make some sense of its talented if inconsistent backfield, both John Clay (143 yards in week 2) and Zach Brown (the week one starter) were upstaged in the running game by third-string back Erik Smith, who scored Bucky’s first rushing touchdown and more importantly did not fumble the ball away, and by Phillips, who had the day’s longest runs of 25 and 37 yards.

Huh?

Wofford’s head coach Mike Ayers must know something, as he’s been able to hold on to his job for a a remarkable 22 years, but on Saturday his play-calling was as bizarre as a prairie dog in buttless chaps.

Despite the fact that the Badgers secondary was continually torched by Fresno State’s Ryan Colburn in week two, Ayers kept his team ridiculously one-dimensional on Saturday, allowing his quarterback to attempt only  two passes in the entire first half. As a team, Wofford did not complete a pass until the third quarter and finished with a scant 45 passing yards, the lowest passing total against the Badgers in seven years.

Huh?

While playing conservative the entire first half, Ayers nevertheless elected to go for it on a 4th-and-4 despite being backed up on his own 26. In the second quarter. On the fourth down play, linebacker Mike Taylor sacked QB Mitch Allen and the Badgers needed only three plays to score on a Erik Smith touchdown to take a commanding 24-0 lead. Yes, I know the Badgers had blocked the previous punt, but does that mean, mighty Terriers of Wofford, that you’d never punt again?

Huh?

So Wisconsin is now 3-0 heading into Big Ten play, but two close non-conference wins and a turnover-laden effort against a Wofford-ly (get it? Instead of woefully, I said Wofford-ly. Man, that’s solid gold.) overmatched FCS team do little to clear up any uncertainty about how good the 2009 Badgers really are.

Some  questions should be answered next week as Michigan State comes to Camp Randall. The Spartans were a trendy sleeper pick in the Big Ten by some, but early losses to Notre Dame and Central Michigan (!) have them desperate to start the conference season strong.

One thing is for sure, this year’s Spartans are better than last year’s Wolverines, and we all remember what happened when an overconfident 3-0 Badger team went to Ann Arbor to begin Big Ten play a year ago.

BadgerNation is still muttering “Huh?” to themselves about that 27-25 loss.

If Badger fans were underwhelmed by Saturday’s victory, Packer fans have to be shellshocked with how Green Bay’s 2009 campaign has started. After a dominant preseason that had many pundits picking the Packers to go to the  Super Bowl, the Packers have underachieved mightily so far in 2009.

After leading the offense to 66 points in just 12 preseason possessions, the Aaron Rodgers Experience has come back down to earth as the Packers have scored an unremarkable 38 points in two games. That’s one game in which the Packers’ defense continually put their offense in favorable situations and one game against the Bengals.

Huh?

Of course, the lack of offensive production isn’t all on Aaron Rodgers; Ryan Grant continues to be a shadow of his 2007 self, the offensive line can’t protect Rodgers, who was sacked six times on Sunday, and the Packers’ receivers suddenly look as sure-handed as a drunken boater.

Which brings us to Cedric Benson. For a defense that was lights out in the preseason and in the season opener against Chicago, Sunday’s game was a huge step back, as Cedric Benson –yes, that Cedric Benson! — ran for 141 yards. Not only did the Packers defense make Benson look like the second coming of Walter Payton, they couldn’t get off the field on third down, allowing Cincinnati to convert on 9-of-14 third-downs and ensuring Cincinnati a decisive win in the time of possession battle.

The Bengals? Huh?

As poorly as the Packers’ defense played Sunday overall, two of their plays have to be singled out: One was allowing the Bengals to convert on a 3rd-and-34 in the first half, a play that had Packers fans everywhere flashing back to the 4th-and-26 play from the 2003-2004 divisional playoffs (Sunday’s conversion eventually led to a Chris Henry TD) and the other was allowing Chad Ochocinco to score. After Ochocinco’s trash talk of a Lambeau Leap earlier in the week, a defense with any pride would have done whatever was necessary to keep him out of the end zone.

The Packers getting pushed around by NFL misfits Ochocinco and Cedric Benson? Huh?

But hey, Packers fans can look on the bright side — Green Bay only collected 11 penalties for 76 yards , compared to the Bengals’ 13 flags for 100 yards. (This is why I don’t believe those people that say Cincinnati is for real — good teams simply play more disciplined football than that.)

The other good news — The Packers go to St. Louis next week to take on the horrendous Rams. Unless they look past St. Louis to the following week’s Monday night game against Brett Favre and the Vikings, the Packers should have little trouble in the Show Me State.

But those lofty preseason predictions for the 2009 Packers now look as out of whack to me as Max’s cookie-hating ways looked to Cookie Monster in my daughter’s book.

By the end of No Cookies?, Max sees the light and gorges himself on sweets, ending the confusion his behavior has caused. Time will tell if the Packers and Badgers can play well enough in the next few weeks to end the confusion their inconsistent (Badgers) or just plain bad (Packers) play has caused.

Huh?