Huh?

One of my daughter’s favorite books is a Sesame Street classic entitled No Cookies?, which is about Cookie Monster’s nephew Max and his refusal to eat cookies.

In the book, Cookie Monster is understandably dumbfounded and despondent over Max’s disinterest in cookies. Cookie Monster’s confusion is shared by his Sesame Street friends, all of whom offer Max cookies (he is Cookie Monster’s nephew, after all) only to be rudely rebuffed by Max intoning the titular phrase “No cookies.”

From Cookie Monster to Big Bird to Bert and Ernie to Baby Bear to Elmo to Zoe, all of the characters’ reactions to Max’s seeming hatred of cookies is a befuddled “Huh?”

That’s how I felt watching football this past weekend.

Let’s start with the Wisconsin game on Saturday. Now I certainly expected the Badgers to prevail against the mighty Terriers of Wofford, but I will admit that after two hardly encouraging non-conference wins, I was a tad nervous that the Terriers of the Football Championship Subdivision (formerly Division I-AA) would be able to keep things close.

After all, the Badgers didn’t blow away The Citadel in 2007 and they were extremely lucky to escape with a win against Cal Poly last year.

Turns out there was little need for concern as the Badgers whipped Wofford  44-14.

But besides quarterback Scott Tolzien’s continued impressive play — the junior finished 15-for-20 with two touchdowns before being spelled for Curt “what happened to the QB controversy?” Phillips — the game featured tons of head-scratching moments.

Three of the first six plays from scrimmage — and two of Wisconsin’s first five – resulted in lost fumbles. Overall the Badgers fumbled a whopping six times, losing three of them.

Huh?

For a team looking to make some sense of its talented if inconsistent backfield, both John Clay (143 yards in week 2) and Zach Brown (the week one starter) were upstaged in the running game by third-string back Erik Smith, who scored Bucky’s first rushing touchdown and more importantly did not fumble the ball away, and by Phillips, who had the day’s longest runs of 25 and 37 yards.

Huh?

Wofford’s head coach Mike Ayers must know something, as he’s been able to hold on to his job for a a remarkable 22 years, but on Saturday his play-calling was as bizarre as a prairie dog in buttless chaps.

Despite the fact that the Badgers secondary was continually torched by Fresno State’s Ryan Colburn in week two, Ayers kept his team ridiculously one-dimensional on Saturday, allowing his quarterback to attempt only  two passes in the entire first half. As a team, Wofford did not complete a pass until the third quarter and finished with a scant 45 passing yards, the lowest passing total against the Badgers in seven years.

Huh?

While playing conservative the entire first half, Ayers nevertheless elected to go for it on a 4th-and-4 despite being backed up on his own 26. In the second quarter. On the fourth down play, linebacker Mike Taylor sacked QB Mitch Allen and the Badgers needed only three plays to score on a Erik Smith touchdown to take a commanding 24-0 lead. Yes, I know the Badgers had blocked the previous punt, but does that mean, mighty Terriers of Wofford, that you’d never punt again?

Huh?

So Wisconsin is now 3-0 heading into Big Ten play, but two close non-conference wins and a turnover-laden effort against a Wofford-ly (get it? Instead of woefully, I said Wofford-ly. Man, that’s solid gold.) overmatched FCS team do little to clear up any uncertainty about how good the 2009 Badgers really are.

Some  questions should be answered next week as Michigan State comes to Camp Randall. The Spartans were a trendy sleeper pick in the Big Ten by some, but early losses to Notre Dame and Central Michigan (!) have them desperate to start the conference season strong.

One thing is for sure, this year’s Spartans are better than last year’s Wolverines, and we all remember what happened when an overconfident 3-0 Badger team went to Ann Arbor to begin Big Ten play a year ago.

BadgerNation is still muttering “Huh?” to themselves about that 27-25 loss.

If Badger fans were underwhelmed by Saturday’s victory, Packer fans have to be shellshocked with how Green Bay’s 2009 campaign has started. After a dominant preseason that had many pundits picking the Packers to go to the  Super Bowl, the Packers have underachieved mightily so far in 2009.

After leading the offense to 66 points in just 12 preseason possessions, the Aaron Rodgers Experience has come back down to earth as the Packers have scored an unremarkable 38 points in two games. That’s one game in which the Packers’ defense continually put their offense in favorable situations and one game against the Bengals.

Huh?

Of course, the lack of offensive production isn’t all on Aaron Rodgers; Ryan Grant continues to be a shadow of his 2007 self, the offensive line can’t protect Rodgers, who was sacked six times on Sunday, and the Packers’ receivers suddenly look as sure-handed as a drunken boater.

Which brings us to Cedric Benson. For a defense that was lights out in the preseason and in the season opener against Chicago, Sunday’s game was a huge step back, as Cedric Benson –yes, that Cedric Benson! — ran for 141 yards. Not only did the Packers defense make Benson look like the second coming of Walter Payton, they couldn’t get off the field on third down, allowing Cincinnati to convert on 9-of-14 third-downs and ensuring Cincinnati a decisive win in the time of possession battle.

The Bengals? Huh?

As poorly as the Packers’ defense played Sunday overall, two of their plays have to be singled out: One was allowing the Bengals to convert on a 3rd-and-34 in the first half, a play that had Packers fans everywhere flashing back to the 4th-and-26 play from the 2003-2004 divisional playoffs (Sunday’s conversion eventually led to a Chris Henry TD) and the other was allowing Chad Ochocinco to score. After Ochocinco’s trash talk of a Lambeau Leap earlier in the week, a defense with any pride would have done whatever was necessary to keep him out of the end zone.

The Packers getting pushed around by NFL misfits Ochocinco and Cedric Benson? Huh?

But hey, Packers fans can look on the bright side — Green Bay only collected 11 penalties for 76 yards , compared to the Bengals’ 13 flags for 100 yards. (This is why I don’t believe those people that say Cincinnati is for real — good teams simply play more disciplined football than that.)

The other good news — The Packers go to St. Louis next week to take on the horrendous Rams. Unless they look past St. Louis to the following week’s Monday night game against Brett Favre and the Vikings, the Packers should have little trouble in the Show Me State.

But those lofty preseason predictions for the 2009 Packers now look as out of whack to me as Max’s cookie-hating ways looked to Cookie Monster in my daughter’s book.

By the end of No Cookies?, Max sees the light and gorges himself on sweets, ending the confusion his behavior has caused. Time will tell if the Packers and Badgers can play well enough in the next few weeks to end the confusion their inconsistent (Badgers) or just plain bad (Packers) play has caused.

Huh?

Badgers/Bulldogs In Review

There are three things I know for certain about my father-in-law: He’s a superb golfer and bowler, he’s very happy that Brett Favre is no longer a Green Bay Packer, and he hates it when a football team runs out the clock to end the first half.

So when Bret Bielema and offensive coordinator Paul Chryst dialed up a deep pass from quarterback Scott Tolzein to wide out Isaac Anderson with under a minute left in the first half, I’ll bet my father-in-law was the happiest guy at Camp Randall.

But at the time, even he probably didn’t realize the significance of that play: The throw, which went for 44 yards, led to Philip Welch’s improbable 57-yard field goal (the longest of his career and the second-longest in Badgers history) as the first half ended.

The Badgers, who had been outplayed badly in the first half – their defense was particularly atrocious – never let go of the momentum they gained by Anderson’s catch and Welch’s ensuing kick, and came back to outlast the Fresno State Bulldogs 34-31 in double overtime.

[The worst thing about the victory was that it was won in overtime. College football overtime is the worst thing in sports outside of the Washington Nationals' pitching staff. For the record, although it's preferable, I don't like the NFL's overtime rules either. Professional and college teams should have to play an entire fifth quarter. If the score remains tied after a fifth period, the game should end, like in the NFL, in a tie. Just my opinion.]

On a so-called judgment day for the Big Ten, it appeared as if the Badgers were going to be the day’s first conference casualty, as its soft, uninspired defense let Fresno State’s quarterback Ryan Colburn pick them apart for what was at one point a 21-7 second-quarter lead. By halftime, the Bulldogs had gained 227 yards, 172 of which were gained in the air. (By comparison, Northern Illinois gained just 274 yards in the entire season opener.)

But even the 172 first-half passing yards don’t speak to just how glaringly awful the Badgers’ pass defense was early on. Defensive back Devin Smith was completely outmatched by Bulldog Devon Wylie, who racked up 111 receiving yards in the first thirty minutes, including a easy 70-yard touchdown bomb that made the score 14-0 in the second quarter. The Badgers’ defense did itself no favors by failing to get off the field on third down, allowing the Bulldogs to covert 6-of-9 third down opportunities despite often being in third-and-long situations.

Colburn’s early play overshadowed the play of Scott Tolzien, who himself showed flashes of brilliance – especially in the face of consistent pressure from the Bulldogs’ aggressive defensive line, which pushed around the Badgers’ offensive line for much of the game. Tolzien finished the day 17-of-28 for 225 yards and one touchdown. In the process, Tolzien showed enough poise in the pocket and playmaking ability for fans to hope that the quarterback rotation with freshman Curt Phillips seen last week was merely a one-time experiment.

But for all of the great quarterback play, the Badgers’ victory will be remembered for other reasons. Here are the Channel 3000 3 reasons the Badgers emerged victorious on Saturday:

1. Second-half defense. As bad as the first-half defense was, the Badgers played aggressive, opportunistic defense in the second half and overtime, allowing just three second-half points before the Bulldogs pulled out an overtime touchdown. (But many first-grade flag football teams could score touchdowns against college competition under this silly formula.)

Besides replacing Devin Smith with Niles Brinkley to cover Devon Wylie (who had only three yards receiving in the second half), the biggest key to the second-half turnaround was turnovers: The Badgers picked off Ryan Colburn on Fresno State’s first two drives of the second thirty minutes, with both interceptions coming in Badger territory.

But of course the biggest interception – as well as the most athletic – was Chris Maragos’s leaping end-zone interception in the game’s second overtime. The turnover allowed the Badgers to be comfortably conservative on the last drive and win it with Philip Welch’s 22-yard field goal.

2. John Clay. The Badgers’ best running back had a tough go of it in the first half, as the Bulldogs’ dominance up front resulted in Clay gaining only 27 yards on eight carries. But Clay rewarded Bielema and Chryst for maintaining offensive balance with a 72-yard touchdown scamper in the fourth quarter that gave Wisconsin its first lead.

Clay was also the go-to guy when the game mattered most, as he had the ball on eight of Wisconsin’s ten overtime offensive plays. A solid performance.

3. Special teams. Credit Philip Welch for overcoming a lousy start to his season (he took an 0-for on his first three field goal attempts, including a 47-yard miss in Saturday’s first quarter) to bounce back not only to nail that 57-yard bomb but also the game winner in overtime. Hey, the OT kick was only 22 yards, but try telling Fresno State kicker Kevin Goessling how easy it is to kick field goals. In the two games that the Bulldogs and the Badgers played in the last two years, Goessling hit just 2 of 6 attempts. In short, Fresno State could have won both games had Goessling been more reliable.

Credit for the victory also should go to Badger punter Brad Nortman and Bucky’s punt coverage team: On consecutive second-half drives, Fresno State had to start from their own 3 and their own 1 after Badger punts. This field position was crucial as the Badgers fought to maintain the game’s momentum. Not surprisingly, the Bulldogs came away from those two possessions with no points.

Next up, Wofford at home. The Terriers should give Bucky less trouble than the Bulldogs, but Wofford did beat up on Charleston Southern on Saturday 42-14. It’s doubtful that the 2009 Badgers will emulate last year’s team by following up a victory over Fresno State with a four-game losing streak. Having Tolzien instead of Allan Evridge alone would seem to guarantee that.

Badgers/Bulldogs Preview: 2009 Edition

Who: Fresno State Bulldogs @ Wisconsin Badgers.
Where: Camp Randall Stadium, ESPN
When: Saturday, September 13, 11 AM CST

It appeared at first to be a joke.

When word spread early in the week that a massive flu outbreak that affected as many as 45 players had hit the Wisconsin Badgers football team, the scenario seemed right out of a bad college movie: The underdog school’s football team prevails against a national powerhouse thanks to a timely flu epidemic. (Substitute “venereal disease” for “flu” and I think I’ve seen that movie late at night on Cinemax.)

Fortunately for Badger fans, news later in the week was much more positive, as only a few players missed Wednesday’s practice and a brief ban imposed on players from talking to the media was quickly lifted.

It appears, therefore, that Saturday’s non-conference game at home against Fresno State should be decided by the play on the field and not by who needed to be held out of the game.

If it seems that the Badgers and Bulldogs just met, it’s because they did: On September 13, 2008, Wisconsin beat Fresno State 13-10 in what was a highly-touted non-conference game at Bulldog Stadium. Both teams were ranked, and when Wisconsin prevailed, their ranking jumped from #10 to #5, and there was much premature talk about the Badgers in a BCS game.

The following week, the Badgers embarked on a four-game losing streak, and the talk began to revolve more around Bret Bielema losing his job. That, too, proved to be premature.

This year, the Badger/Bulldog game is no doubt less compelling on a national scale, but it’s no less intriguing of a match up — perhaps more so, considering that last year, neither team was as good as advertised, but this year, both teams might be undervalued.

Let’s look at the Channel 3000 3 storylines to watch in this game:

1. Are they who we thought they were? Most preseason pundits figured that with a new starter at quarterback and proven commodities John Clay and Zach Brown running the football, the 2009 Badgers offensive attack would be, in the words of San Francisco 49ers head coach Mike Singletary, one that goes out and “hits people in the mouth.”

Instead, the Badgers came out in the opener against Northern Illinois looking like the 1999 St. Louis Rams, as Scott Tolzien and Isaac Anderson hooked up for a 80-yard touchdown catch on Wisconsin’s first offensive play. Tolzien went on to establish a Wisconsin record for passing yards (257) by a first-time starting quarterback.

The downside to this surprising passing proficiency was the fact that Clay and Brown only gained a total of 94 yards on 29 carries for a measly 3.2 yards per carry. But with Northern Illinois stacking the box, Tolzien showed he could take what the opposing defense gave him.

Fresno State, which pitched a 51-0 shutout against UC-Davis in week one, will likely make Tolzien prove that he can do it again. Can he?

2. Turnovers, turnovers, turnovers. Despite Tolzien’s numbers, the Badgers opening win was anything but convincing. What loomed large in the game ultimately coming down to a Badger defensive stop on a fourth-and-three with just over a minute remaining? Turnovers.

Tolzien threw two costly picks in his debut; surely the biggest was the one he tossed in the fourth quarter that led to the second of Northern Illinois’s fourth-quarter touchdowns. But don’t overlook the pick in the second quarter. Already up 14-6, the Badgers had just recovered a Northern Illinois fumble and suddenly had the ball deep in NIU territory. A score in all likelihood would have made it a commanding 21-6 lead at the half. Instead Tolzien gave it right back on the very next play, keeping NIU in the game.

Fresno State has a more opportunistic defense than Northern Illinois, scoring a 94-yard interception return in its blowout win against UC Davis. Bucky had better protect the ball better against the Bulldogs.

3. Defense? Which Badger defense will show up against Fresno State? Will it be the defense that over the first three periods against NIU allowed just six points and one significant drive? Or will it be the defense that (granted with zero help from the offense) allowed 127 yards and two touchdowns in the final period alone?

Fresno State’s offense put up some scary numbers against UC-Davis: 511 total yards, 310 rushing yards, 6.0 yards per carry. Granted, UC-Davis’s defense shouldn’t compare to Wisconsin’s, but it’s clear that Fresno State has some weapons, particularly in the backfield. This will be a challenging early-season test for the Badgers’ defensive unit.

With Tolzien quickly proving to be miles better than Allan Evridge, who started at quarterback for Wisconsin the last time these teams met, and with the Bulldogs’ loaded running back corps, Saturday’s game could be the mirror image of last year’s defensive struggle. But I doubt it.

Predicted final: Wisconsin 27, Fresno State 17.

Fearless 2009 NFL Predictions

I hate fall.

Fall means the end of warm weather (and it wasn’t even warm this year in southern Wisconsin; once again, global warming has let me down), the end of swimming (basically the only exercise I enjoy, although I’m not sure if taunting my son with threats of getting dunked really counts as exercise), and the end of Big Brother(it is so depressing that Natalie is not only still there but is the current HOH that it makes me want to tear off my shirt a la Jessie in disgust. But I resist out of fear of pulling my rotator cuff).

Perhaps worst of all, the start of fall brings about my birthday, which grows more and more depressing every year. It’s one thing to get old — after all, it’s sort of inescapable — but it’s another thing to be old and not be able to afford to have a mid-life crisis. I’d like to do the Vegas thing, but on my budget, I’d be lucky to do the Dubuque thing.

[How old am I? Old enough that when it came time for the Red Robin staff to sing to me over the weekend – I hate telling anyone it's my birthday, but it's the only way to get that free birthday burger – our waitress first announced to the other, highly disinterested, patrons that "Jeff is turning 21 today!" because ha, ha, I'm obviously so decrepit that just suggesting that I'm merely 21 is a laugh riot. I fumed until they brought me my free birthday sundae, which lightened my mood considerably.]

What saves me from contacting Michael Jackson’s Propofal hookup every autumn is football. God, how I love the football. Not as much as my dog loves to lick himself in the middle of the night, keeping my wife and I awake in the process, but still quite a bit.

So here are my fearless predictions for 2009. I hope to do better than last year, when I predicted New England and Dallas would meet in the Super Bowl. Last I checked, neither team even made the playoffs.

NFC Central: Remember when Saturday Night Live had that all-star season back in 1984-1985 with a cast that included Billy Crystal, Martin Short, and Christopher Guest? Remember that the nearly-talentless Gary Kroeger was also in that cast? Well, Kroeger got no respect. Similarly, the NFC North has received little respect in the last few years. Either all of the teams have been bad-to-mediocre or one team has towered over the rest (the 2006 Bears, the 2007 Packers).

This year, I like the Packers, Vikings, and Bears all to finish with very strong records. The Bears and particularly the Packers should have better defenses, and the Bears and Vikings (with some fly-by-night dude whose name eludes me) will have much improved quarterback play. Hey, the Lions might even find a way to win a game.

In the end, I like the Bears to squeak out a division title. They’ve got the easiest schedule of all NFL teams (closely followed by the Vikings and Packers), Jay Cutler has the chance to be the best Bears QB in memory, and Matt Forte is a stud running back.

NFC East: Last year the NFC East was arguably the best division in football, with no team finishing worse than .500. But every team has nagging questions coming into the 2009 campaign, none more so than Philadelphia: How will Michael Vick fit in? How much will the death of defensive coordinator Jim Johnson hurt? And can Brian Westbrook stay healthy?

Fortunately for the Eagles, they remain the best team in the division, particularly after the Giants’ Plaxico Burress got sent to jail and the Cowboys sent Terrell Owens to the NFL’s equivalent of Siberia, the Buffalo Bills. Say what you want about both men, but their play made their teams better. With the Redskins about as threatening as the cast of iCarly, look for the Eagles to take the division.

NFC South: This is an interesting division. Again, a year ago, no team finished worse than .500, and that team was the loaded-with-talent New Orleans Saints. Defense was the problem in 2008 with the Saints and will continue to be so in 2009.

Although I like Atlanta’s trio of Matt Ryan, Michael Turner, and Roddy White, not to mention their offseason acquisition of Pro Bowl TE Tony Gonzalez, the team has never posted back-to-back winning seasons, and I’m not looking to bet against a 43-year-old streak. And the Tampa Bay Buccaneers could be the biggest mess in the NFC.

That leaves the Carolina Panthers. The Panthers, who looked so horrible in last year’s playoff loss to the Falcons. The Panthers, led by the always-mediocre Jake Delhomme. The Panthers, who went 0-4 in the 2009 preseason. The Panthers, who have DeAngelo Williams and Steve Smith. Yes, the Panthers.

NFC West: Now here’s a bad division. Seattle, if Matt Hasselbeck can stay healthy, should be better. San Francisco could emerge, but just like HD Radio, people have been talking about it for years and it has yet to happen. (The 49ers do have the most entertaining head coach in the league in Mike Singletary, so they’ve got that going for them.) Look for Arizona to repeat. Big if 50-year-old Kurt Warner stays upright.

AFC Central: Back in 1992, I took in my first and only Lollapalooza concert. The main stage featured great acts like Red Hot Chili Peppers, Soundgarden, and Pearl Jam. The side stage featured acts like The Vulgar Boatmen and Sweaty Nipples.

The AFC Central is like the 1992 Lollapalooza lineup. Baltimore and Pittsburgh represent the main acts, while Cincinnati and Cleveland represent the side stage disasters.

I think Pittsburgh, especially if their offensive line can protect Ben Roethlisberger and if Big Ben can focus on football in the face of off-field distractions, looks like the team to beat in the AFC.

As for Cleveland and Cincinnati? Ohio should be thankful they can lay claim to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, into which I believe Sweaty Nipples are due to be inducted in 2017.

AFC East: Perhaps no division will be more closely watched than the AFC East. Does the return of Tom Brady make the Patriots the best team in the league again? Can Terrell Owens save the Bills from irrelevance? Can the Jets’ Mark Sanchez become this year’s Joe Flacco or Matt Ryan? Can last year’s surprise team, the Miami Dolphins, repeat as AFC East champions?

I said it today when my daughter tried to draw Elmo on the living room wall and I’ll say it in response to those four questions: “No, no, no, no!” But I wouldn’t bet against Tom Brady taking the Patriots on another deep playoff run.

AFC South: The only interest I have in this division is for fantasy purposes: In my fantasy draft, I let elite quarterbacks go (you know you’re in Wisconsin when Aaron Rodgers goes second. Not in the second round or second among quarterbacks, but second overall) and got stuck with Jacksonville’s David Garrard, a scary thought considering he’s throwing to the washed-up Torry Holt and the awful Troy Williamson.

I also took a flyer on Colts rookie running back Donald Brown, whom I like, particularly if Joseph Addai gets injured again, which appears about as likely to happen as Kevin winning Big Brother 11 (by which I mean very likely). And I have the Titans defense, which has been solid, if unspectacular. (I never take a defense until I absolutely have to.)

Oh, in reality? The Titans will repeat as division champs.

AFC West: Last but not least, the AFC West. Oh, wait, I meant “last AND least.” Thanks to Denver’s inevitable collapse, San Diego should finish much stronger than last year’s 8-8 record. Oakland might be an interesting sleeper in much the same way that the CW’s revamped Melrose Place might win a Peabody Award for excellence in broadcasting. Kansas City could be almost as bad as Denver. Which will be bad.

Wild cards: Minnesota and Indianapolis.

Conference champions: Chicago and Pittsburgh.

Super Bowl XLIV winner: Pittsburgh.

2009 Wisconsin Badgers Football Preview

Packers fans, after three dominant preseason performances by Green Bay, have every reason to be excited about the upcoming NFL season.

Badger football fans are perhaps a little less enthusiastic about Bucky’s 2009 season, which begins Saturday at Camp Randall Stadium against Northern Illinois.

Why so cautious? Well, last year’s 7-6 campaign took Wisconsin from the status of elite Big Ten team to average Big Ten team. And it took head coach Bret Bielema from being a wunderkind to being a coach on the hot seat, particularly when he was called for a costly unsportsmanlike conduct penalty in the November 1 loss against Michigan State. Many then made the connection between the team’s overall lack of discipline and its leader’s lack of discipline.

Let’s face it: Bielema’s record has been going in the wrong direction since taking over in 2006, from his 12-1 debut to 9-4 in 2007 to last year’s 7-6. Despite his strong relationship with athletic director Barry Alvarez, Bielema knows he has to reverse that trend to keep his job.

But can he?

Heading into a season with an inherent quarterback controversy is never good, and that’s exactly what the Badgers have. Even the coaches can’t decide, as the official depth chart reads “Scott Tolzien or Curt Phillips” as the starter. Given the buzz that Phillips generated in camp, I would expect him to be the eventual starter once the conference schedule begins in late September, particularly if Tolzien reminds anyone of 2008 stillborn starter Allan Evridge. And if both Tolzien and Phillips flame out, Dustin Sherer, who I thought showed vast improvement over the final few weeks of 2008, is waiting in the wings.

But a wise man — was it my father? Al Michaels? Thomas Dewey? — once said, if you don’t have one starting quarterback, you don’t have any. That’s the situation the Badgers are in.

Fortunately, whoever lines up under center will have some talent around him. P.J. Hill is gone, but John Clay is back. And for a traditional run-first team, the Badgers have a solid receiving corps, with returning starters David Gilreath, Garrett Graham, Isaac Anderson, and Nick Toon.

While the so-called “skill” positions boast some familiar faces, the lines do not: Both the offensive and defensive fronts will feature three new starters, while two of Wisconsin’s starting linebackers have a total of three starts. The secondary, with Jay Valai, Shane Carter, and Niles Brinkley, is more experienced, and if Aaron Henry can come back from a knee injury that caused him to miss all of last season, the Badgers defensive backfield should be solid.

Of course, considering how porous and penalty-riddled the Badgers’ defense was last year (forget Rob Zombie; the defensive performances against Minnesota, Cal Poly, and Florida State to close out the 2008 season still keep me up at nights), the personnel turnaround on that side of the ball could be one of this team’s strengths.

Another of the Badgers’ strengths is its schedule: They get the first four games at home, most of their road games are against conference opponents that should be weaker (Minnesota, Indiana, Northwestern), and they don’t have to face Penn State (whew) or Illinois at all. By far the toughest game will be Ohio State in Columbus on October 10.

One anomaly in the schedule in the fact that the Badgers will play the Gophers in Minnesota on October 3 — much earlier than they typically meet — which is just two days before Brett Favre’s Vikings play the Packers in Minnesota. (That’s assuming Brett Favre hasn’t retired again before week four of the NFL season.) Forget the Middle East; the Wisconsin-Minnesota rivalry will be the border battle that first week of October.

Here’s a capsule look at the Badgers’ 2009 football schedule with my gut predictions:

September 5. Northern Illinois. The Huskies led their conference in team defense in 2008. Of course, that was the MAC Conference. Final: Wisconsin 35, Northern Illinois 10.

September 12. Fresno State. This was a big game last year, when both teams were expected to do big things in 2008. No such luck this year. Final: Wisconsin 27, Fresno State 17.

September 19. Wofford. You know when the Badgers football schedule comes out and there’s always that one team on it that you’ve never heard of before and you wonder aloud where they’re even from? Well, I’ll tell you. Wofford College is in Spartanburg, South Carolina. Their mascot is the Terriers. They play in the same conference — the Southern — as Appalachian State. Remember when Appalachian State beat Michigan in 2007? A great story, but don’t expect a sequel here. Final: Wisconsin 49, Wofford 7.

September 26. Michigan State. The Big Ten opener is an intriguing one. The Spartans are a trendy pick in 2009, but they’ve lost running back Javon Ringer and quarterback Brian Hoyer. This could come down to what type of quarterback play the Badgers are getting. If the Badgers are getting even adequate play at QB, the home team should prevail. Final: Wisconsin 20, Michigan State 17.

October 3. at Minnesota. This will be the first conference game at the Gophers’ new TCF Bank Stadium, and while there will certainly be a lot of cardinal and white in the stands, I think the excitement of the occasion favors the Gophers. Plus, Minnesota has a brutal late September-late October schedule. This looks to be one they can win. Final: Minnesota 27, Wisconsin 24.

October 10. at Ohio State. Bret Bielema has yet to beat the Ohio State Buckeyes. I have yet to watch my DVD of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I think I have a better chance of crossing my item off of my to-do list in 2009. This should be Bucky’s toughest game this season. Final: Ohio State 38, Wisconsin 17.

October 17. Iowa. Like Michigan State, Iowa is a trendy pick in 2009. The two finished neck-and-neck in the standings in 2008. But Iowa finished stronger last season and retains more of its 2008 team than do the Spartans. In other words, I think Iowa will be the better team. Final: Iowa 24, Wisconsin 20.

October 31. Purdue. Coming off its bye week, the Badgers face what could be the Big Ten’s worst team in 2009. The Boilermakers have a new coaching staff, new quarterback, and have been going in the wrong direction for several seasons. This Halloween game doesn’t look too scary. Final: Wisconsin 41, Purdue 20.

November 7. at Indiana. If Purdue won’t be the worst team in the Big Ten, the Hoosiers will be. Final: Wisconsin 35, Indiana 17.

November 14. Michigan. Michigan was terrible last year, yet still beat the Badgers. They’ll be better this year. Final: Michigan 24, Wisconsin 21.

November 21. at Northwestern. The Wildcats were the surprise team in the Big Ten last year, winning nine games for the first time since 1996 and coming close to winning the school’s first bowl game in fifty years. Unfortunately, the team then lost its quarterback, starting running back, and three top receivers. That’s college football for you. Final: Wisconsin 17, Northwestern 10.

December 5. at Hawaii. You thought the Wildcats’ turnover was severe? Hawaii’s head coach recently said of his 2009 squad, “It’s an unknown team.” Well, they should be known by December. They’ll be known as lousy. Final: Wisconsin 35, Hawaii 20.

Top Five NFL / TV Questions Of 2009

I had a thought the other day that I quickly dismissed as more my own personal bias than reality.

But then I heard a national sportscaster give voice to my exact thoughts on ESPN.

So is it true? Can sports fans really be more excited about the NFL preseason than about the final few weeks of baseball’s regular season?

In a word, yep.

Don’t believe me? Look at the ratings. ESPN drew 4.76 million viewers for its August 13 live broadcast of the Pittsburgh Steelers/Arizona Cardinals NFL preseason game. Three days later, ESPN could only attract 1.2 million viewers to its Atlanta Braves/Philadelphia Phillies MLB game.

Both games were on ESPN, both games started at 7 PM CST, and both games had to go up against CBS’s reality juggernaut Big Brother. And the viewership totals weren’t even close.

Now is a NFL preseason game inherently more entertaining than a late-August Major League Baseball game? I don’t think many sports fans would say yes.

But here’s what the NFL has going into its regular season that baseball does not have going into its final month: Drama.

Yes, Joe Mauer is a great story. Yes, the wild cards are somewhat up for grabs. But outside of the AL Central, none of the division races are really close. And look at the teams that are once again making their way to the postseason: The Yankees. The Cardinals. The Dodgers. Wow. I haven’t been so shocked since Kristie Alley gained all of her weight back.

In contrast, the NFL is brimming with fascinating storylines heading into September.

And since September also marks the beginning of the “traditional” TV season, and I am a “traditional” kind of guy, let’s look at the top five NFL questions through some TV-colored glasses:

1. Which experiment has a better chance of working, Brett Favre as a Minnesota Viking or NBC’s The Jay Leno Show?

Here are two things that two years ago I never would have seen coming: Favre in purple and a major television network (well, NBC) giving up five hours of prime time a week for what is essentially a late-night talk show.

The expectations for Favre are overwhelming. Ever since he expressed interest in playing for Minnesota over a year ago, every blogger, columnist, and reporter willing to weigh in on the subject (so pretty much half the world’s population) has commented that a quarterback of Favre’s skill and experience is the sole missing piece on a team with a terrific run game and a terrific run defense.

But Favre at (almost) 40 is not Favre at 29. And after his first preseason start as a Viking in which he looked simply terrible (how terrible? He was totally outplayed by Tavaris Jackson), it’s completely unclear on whether the Vikings will get the mature, smarter Favre of 2007 or the injured, locker-room cancer Favre of 2008.

In contrast, the expectations for Jay Leno are small. Putting his show in primetime five nights a week is a cost-cutting move by NBC. While local affiliates may grumble about a lousy late news lead-in, if Leno is even remotely close to the ratings of other 9 PM shows such as CSI: Miami and The Mentalist, NBC will consider the move a success.

Answer: Leno.

2. Which disgraced public figure will be more immediately welcomed back into America’s hearts? Michael Vick or Michael Richards?

In my view, Michael Vick, no matter how well he’s been coached to say the right things in press conferences or on 60 Minutes, is still a lowlife. But he’s done his court-ordered time and it seems that the majority of Americans, save for animal rights groups, are willing to give him another chance. And in sports, little else matters if you’re winning. The Eagles are a very strong team and Michael Vick – however head coach Andy Reid chooses to use him – can only make them better.

Michael Richards has been largely out of the public eye since a humiliating and disturbing incident at Hollywood’s Laugh Factory in November of 2006 in which he repeatedly used racial slurs to berate members of his audience during a stand-up routine. While inexcusable, I would rate the public use of one word – however abhorrent the word – as less troubling than the abuse, torture, and execution of countless helpless dogs.

When Vick returns, he will be initially greeted with scores of public protests, which may turn ugly. When Richards returns, as part of a season-long story arc on Curb Your Enthusiasm that premieres on HBO on September 20, he will return triumphant along with Jerry, Elaine, and George as part of one of the most beloved casts in television history. Not only will the reunion be a welcome sight, Curb creator Larry David will undoubtedly make it hysterical.

Answer: Richards.

3. Who will make the better comeback: Tom Brady or Jenna Elfman?

Tom Brady had a season for the ages in 2007 as he led the New England Patriots to a 16-0 regular season. He threw for an NFL-record 50 touchdowns and had a 117.2 passer rating, which was the second-best season rating of all-time. Brady was named the NFL MVP for the season, as well as Offensive Player of the Year.

After missing basically the entire 2008 season after suffering a bad knee injury in week one, the question is whether Brady can once again make the Patriots the best team in the NFL. (Last year’s 11-5 team just barely missed qualifying for the postseason.) With Randy Moss, Wes Welker, and an underappreciated running attack joining Brady, New England should emerge as the AFC team to beat in 2009.

Jenna Elfman, who rose to fame as “Dharma” of ABC’s overrated Dharma & Greg, which ran from 1997-2002, is starring in a new fall sitcom for CBS entitled Accidentally On Purpose. AOP is actually her second comeback attempt following the dismal 2006 CBS sitcom Courting Alex which lasted just 12 episodes.

If the painfully unfunny promos are any indication, the only way that I’m going to catch any of Accidentally On Purpose is by accident. I predict that CBS will cancel the show by Christmas – on purpose.

Answer: Brady.

4. Who will benefit more by a change of address: Jay Cutler or Medium?

The fact that both former Broncos quarterback Cutler and former NBC drama Medium were shipped off during the summer seems best explained by one word: incompetency.

The Broncos, and new head coach Josh McDaniels in particular, were incompetent to let Cutler, a great quarterback with an unfortunate penchant for whining, go to the Chicago Bears. NBC, a network mired in fourth place, was incompetent to let Medium, a solidly-performing drama with a loyal audience, go to CBS.

Both Cutler and Medium will do fine at their new homes. But Cutler doesn’t have the receiving corps in Chicago that he had in Denver, and Bears fans aren’t likely to warm to Cutler should he not prove as mentally tough as the teammates he’s supposed to lead.

Meanwhile, Medium should be a slam-dunk ratings winner for CBS on Friday nights following the similarly-themed Ghost Whisperer and leading into the nerdfest Numb3rs.

Answer: Medium.

5. Which history is more likely to repeat itself: The Detroit Lions’ 0-16 record of 2008 or the Melrose Place phenomenon?

The updated Melrose Place series is the CW network’s second attempt to recreate FOX’s winning nineties lineup, following last season’s successful Beverly Hills, 90210 remake.

While no one is happier to re-visit Melrose Place than me – I still recall wistfully the original’s final shot of Heather Locklear and Jack Wagner cavorting on the beach to the tune of Semisonic’s “Closing Time” almost as wistfully as I recall Joyce DeWitt turning out the lights on Three’s Company’s finale – the television universe is simply too fragmented nowadays for the remake to be able to recreate the popularity and buzz of the original. However, that will matter little to Thomas Calabro if the show can recreate 90210’s modest success long enough for him to end his ten years of living on the dole. And I think it can.

But woe are the Detroit Lions. New QB Matthew Stafford and the continuing emergence of Calvin Johnson should make them better, but one look at their schedule reveals only two or three games I would even give them a chance in.

But fear not, Detroit sports fan: The NHL preseason begins September 14.

Answer: 0-16, baby.

Packers Continue To Make Mangini Miserable

Cleveland Browns head coach Eric Mangini must be wondering what he’s done to cheese off Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson.

First Thompson and McCarthy ship Brett Favre off to New York, where the aged and injured quarterback’s late-season collapse in 2008 led to Mangini being fired as the Jets head coach.

Then Saturday night McCarthy and Thompson humiliate the Cleveland Browns in Mangini’s first game as the Browns’ head coach.

Granted, it was only a preseason game, but both the Packers and the Browns have a lot to prove this season. The Packers are trying to prove that last season’s 6-10 record – only their third losing season in twenty years – was a fluke. And the Browns are trying to prove that their 10-6 2007 season – their best year since coming back to the NFL in 1999 – was not a fluke.

The Packers made a much more convincing case Saturday night.
The starting offense, led by second-year QB Aaron “Thank you for not signing Michael Vick” Rodgers, was extremely sharp, the team got some major contributions from some perhaps unlikely players, and the revamped 3-4 defense (barely) pitched a shutout – all positive signs for a team that hasn’t played well since a 37-3 beatdown of the Bears on November 16, 2008.

But maybe Packers fans should curb their enthusiasm. Having to fill time, the normally spastic announcer Kevin Harlan admitted in one of his quieter moments that the Cleveland Browns were “not one of the NFL’s elite teams.”

Yes, and newly evicted Big Brother 11 contestant Chima was perhaps “just a tad unbalanced.”

What fans generally hope to see out of preseason games is a sharp first-string squad. They got that on Saturday, particularly out of the offense.

In leading the offense to two scoring drives of 78 and 69 yards, Rodgers looked very solid, made good decisions, went mobile when he had to and was patient when he could afford to be. Most impressively, he connected with five different receivers on five pass completions, notably the 53-yard touchdown strike he threw to Donald Driver to cap the game’s first drive.

Other players who contributed mightily to the offense included Matt Flynn, who was an extremely efficient 5-of-6 on his two drives. Flynn, who to my eyes is miles past Brian Brohm on the Packers’ quarterback depth chart, provided the night’s throwback to the “anything can happen” days of Brett Favre when he was able to scoop up a batted-down pass and run for a seven-yard gain in the second quarter.

Later on, when Brohm was largely unable to get anything done through the air, undrafted rookie free agent running back Tyrell Sutton and second-year RB Kregg Lumpkin kept drives alive.

Sutton in particular was impressive, rushing 16 times for 91 yards. And Lumpkin, who finished with 48 yards on just eight carries, had a eye-opening run in the fourth quarter when he implausibly turned a loss into a 14-yard pickup.

Trouble on the offensive side? Well, for a team that supposedly made limiting penalties in training camp a high priority, they committed way too many – nine for 52 yards. Seven of those were on the offense, and four came in one drive, pushing the team out of field goal range.

Also, while the play of Sutton and Lumpkin was a nice surprise, the fact that Ryan Grant, Brandon Jackson, and DeShawn Wynn didn’t distinguish themselves from running backs further down the depth chart may present a problem.

Having five competent backs is nice, but having one single stud and a couple of complementary players would be preferred.

Then of course, you have Brohm, who had for him what was the disadvantage of being the featured quarterback for the night. Playing the entire second half, Brohm completed only three of ten throws, with two interceptions, including his first throw of the game.

Brohm is quickly looking like a bust, and as a second-round pick, an expensive one at that.

With his incompetency on display, Brohm would have fit right in with the Browns quarterbacks, although Brady Quinn, in a battle with Derek Anderson for the starting job, distinguished himself Saturday as the best QB on the Browns roster.

Actually, Quinn led the Browns on two drives that should have amounted to 10 points, which is why I’m not quite prepared yet to declare Dom Capers’s new 3-4 scheme an unqualified success. (Hey, it’s one preseason game. Nothing is proven yet.)

On Quinn’s first drive, he led the Browns methodically down to the Packers’ 13-yard-line, where the drive eventually stalled. A holding penalty on the ensuing field goal led to a re-kick and a miss.

Later, in the second quarter, after Quinn ripped off four complete passes in a row, fantasy dud Braylon Edwards dropped a pure and easy touchdown throw from Quinn in the end zone. On the next play, Quinn was picked off by Packers safety Anthony Smith, one of four Packers interceptions on the night.

With Brett Ratliff playing the entire second half, the Packers’ shutout was then pretty secure. But the defensive unit, though solid, perhaps wasn’t quite as stout as the final stats (191 yards allowed, four interceptions) would indicate.

However, the new 3-4 scheme did result in much more pressure on the quarterbacks, which rattled Anderson and Ratliff, if not Quinn, quite a bit. It remains to be seen if the Packers will be able get the same results on the superior quarterbacks in the league, of which there are many.

While much of the pregame questions swirled around how defensive stars Aaron Kampmann and A.J. Hawk would adjust to the 3-4, the defensive MVP for the evening turned out to be inside linebacker Desmond Bishop, who recorded three tackles, a sack, and an interception.

Bishop’s play, along with the contributions of Lumpkin and Sutton, were examples of what makes preseason games tolerable – the fun is in seeing what players take advantage of their increased playing time by making contributions that may win them roster spots.

On Saturday night, the fun for Packers fans was also in seeing the looks of utter disbelief on Eric Mangini’s face as perhaps the reality of the long and difficult season he has coming became readily apparent to him.

The Packers travel to Cleveland this October to play the Browns in a regular-season game; given the misery that Thompson and McCarthy have already bestowed upon Mangini, I doubt that’s a Sunday he’s looking forward to.

Complaints And Grievances In Green Bay

At the Madison Mallards game Saturday night, I was unfortunate enough to spend some quality time with a fan full of nothing but bitterness (well, and maybe some Bud Light Lime).

Oh, he wasn’t bitter at Maynard G’s team. He was steamed at the overworked, underpaid people manning the concessions booth.

His ire was raised when he first tried to order at the “pick up” window and was told he’d have to go back in the other line to order. It was a scene reminiscent of “The Movie” episode of Seinfeld, when George mistakenly stood in the “ticket holders” line instead of the “ticket buyers” line, forcing Elaine and Kramer to take in Rochelle, Rochelle instead of the more desirable Checkmate.

The fan then did his best George Constanza impression, ranting to no one in particular about how he’d been wronged and how the food service was better in Eau Claire, where he was obviously from. I kept waiting for him to bellow “We live in a society, people!”

Later in the pick up line, the perturbed fan went for my order, even though my order of a popcorn, a water, a cheeseburger, and french fries had little in common with his order of two sodas and a popcorn.

When I informed him that the order was in fact mine, he took the opportunity to complain that the staff shouldn’t trust people to pick up the right order, despite the fact that by trying to make off with my order, he himself was the sort of customer that he was bitterly complaining about.

When he acknowledged that he was in the wrong, I said to him, “No problem. Have a good night.” Then I threw in, “I can tell you’re having a rough time,” which was my polite way of saying, “I have to assume that you’re not this big of a jerk all of the time.”

The incident with the crabby fan put me in the mood to complain. So here are my top two complaints about what’s going on with the Green Bay Packers.

1. Seriously, Michael Vick? I have to assume that nothing is going to come of the reports that the Packers have had serious internal discussions about signing the disgraced quarterback. Because it makes almost no sense.

I say “almost” because Vick will likely be able to be had on the cheap. But even if the Packers could sign him for a couple of tickets to the upcoming Rick Springfield cruise, they should stay far away.

Even before Vick’s dogfighting scandal, I wasn’t a fan. Sure, he’s an amazingly mobile quarterback, but he’s barely a 50 percent passer. His career quarterback ranking is 75.7, which is lower than Minnesota’s much-maligned Tavaris Jackson.

I’ve only personally been impressed by Vick twice, once when he ran for 173 yards against the Vikings in 2002 (in the process accounting for practically all of his team’s offense), and also later that season when he led the Falcons over the Packers 27-7 and singlehandedly ended the Packers’ undefeated playoff record at Lambeau Field. And both of those instances were over six years ago.

Add to Vick’s questionable NFL quarterbacking skills the fact that he hasn’t played in the league for over two years and will undoubtedly need time before he can be expected to compete on the NFL level. Add to that the fact that the organization and Aaron Rodgers in particular do not need any 2009 drama swirling around the team’s quarterback position.

Then add to that the immense public relations disaster that will greet any team foolish enough to sign Vick. Most Packer fans laughed when PETA took on the Packers over their name’s roots (the team was named after the Indian Meat Packing Company) and suggested “Pickers” or “Six-Packers” instead. Methinks many fans, even those like me who believe that PETA is way too radical, would agree with the animal rights organization’s inevitable outcry over whichever team takes on Vick.

Now the Packers rumored interest in Vick may well be strictly in his athletic ability; in a league in which so-called trick formations and plays are becoming more and more commonplace, it’s not impossible to accept that his presence in the Packers backfield would stress out opposing defensive coordinators.

But this is a team that was fine on offense last year – fifth in overall points scored and eighth in yards gained per game. The Packers need to focus on improving their defense. They don’t need to waste time focusing on defending a wrong-headed decision to sign Michael Vick.

2. The B.J. Raji situation. Speaking of the defense, one player who was supposed to take a large role in the Packers’ new 3-4 scheme, first-round draft pick B.J. Raji, has so far failed to impress in camp. That’s because he hasn’t shown up.

Not much has been made public about how far apart the Packers are money-wise with Raji’s agent, but we do know, thanks to Raji’s mother, that Raji has been “cooking and all of that, fixing up his townhouse” in his new hometown of Green Bay.

Well, at least he feels confident enough in eventually signing with the Packers that he bought property in Titletown.

But wait, didn’t we also hear that Brett Favre had bought a condo in the Minneapolis suburb of Edina? And we all know that the purchase didn’t foreshadow a signed contract with the Vikings. (Unless you’re one of those who feel the Favre/Vikings saga is not yet over. In which case, in the words of Big Brother’s Ronnie, “I absolutely feel sorry for you.”

I will also feel sorry for those who had high hopes for the Packers’ new 3-4 defense should Raji miss much more training camp; Raji’s role, as a starting defensive end, was hoped to be significant in Dom Capers’s new scheme.

It’s rumored that the negotiations between Raji, the ninth-overall pick, are tied to the negotiations between the 49ers and wide receiver Michael Crabtree, who San Francisco picked tenth.

Apparently Crabtree is looking for a contract more in line with a top-five pick. If he gets it, Raji’s agent will undoubtedly ask a deal commensurate with Crabtree’s deal, which could throw a serious wrench into the negotiations between Green Bay and Raji.

All of this is bad news for the Packers, as they not only are trying to make the most of what was for them an unusually high draft pick in 2009, but they also need to compensate for their last first-round draft pick, Justin Harrell, who’s been the biggest bust since Viva Laughlin.

But maybe Raji, who chose Boston College after being recruited by Rutgers and Wisconsin out of high school, just doesn’t like America’s Dairyland. Hey, if he really is that Wisconsin-phobic, I hear there’s a condo in Edina that’s sitting empty if he wants to try his luck across the border.

What A Difference A Year Makes

What a difference a year makes.

Last August 2, despite having just been swept in a four-game series by the hated Cubs, the Milwaukee Brewers were thirteen games over .500 and had the second-best record in the National League.

Behind the newly-acquired CC Sabathia, the splashiest free-agent acquisition in club history, the Brewers would go on to win 20 of 28 games in the month of August.

This year, despite a weaker NL Central, the Brewers are two games under .500. The team hasn’t won a series in a month, despite playing the worst teams in baseball – Pittsburgh, Washington, and San Diego — in that stretch.

And this year’s big trade? The Brewers reacquired previously spurned teammate Claudio Vargas, the type of blah move typical of small-market, out-of-contention teams and hardly the sort of season-altering move that despairing fans and Ryan Braun had been hoping the team would make.

The reliever showed his thanks to the Brewers by allowing a run in his first inning pitched, increasing his ERA by more than half a point in the process.

Brewers fans, it’s over.

Also last August 2, the Brett Favre saga had officially become the nation’s most talked-about soap opera, as  the newly-reinstated Favre was about to fly to Green Bay, where he would eventually be told by Mike McCarthy that he wasn’t in “the right mind-set” to play for the Packers. He would be traded to the Jets on August 7.

Fast-forward a year later, and a surgically-repaired Favre has turned down an offer to go the Minnesota Vikings — the same team that the Packers prevented him from playing for a year ago.

Despite many in the media insisting that Favre will still change his mind and play this year — possibly joining a team in need mid-season — and despite Favre’s odd decision to continue to practice with a Mississippi high-school team, I believed Favre when he spurned the Vikings by saying that he felt his body just wasn’t up to another NFL season.

Favre (and drama) fans, it’s over.

Favre’s decision to stay retired surprised so many people (including me) simply because it seemed to fly in the face of logic. If he ultimately wasn’t going to play, then why have the surgery to repair the torn biceps tendon? If he ultimately wasn’t going to play, then why say things like “we’regoing to have a good offense” in relation to the Vikings? If he ultimately wasn’t going to play, then why did he make us suffer through that appearance on that godawful Joe Buck HBO show? 

Simply put, Favre wants to play but knows he can’t. His decision to stay retired may have been the only logical, rational, thought-out decision he’s made since his initial retirement in March of 2008.

That’s why I believe it’s over.

I believe it’s over even though the Vikings just signed potential rookie wide receiver sensation Percy Harvin — the type of weapon Favre kept hoping  Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson would bring to Green Bay – to a five-year deal.

I believe it’s over even though, in another bizarre twist to this story, presumed Vikings starting QB Tavaris Jackson sprained his left knee during the first day of practice. When I first heard this, I had to think that the defensive lineman who rolled over on Jackson had been paid to do so simply so Brad Childress would have a good reason to reconnect with Number 4:

Childress: “Brett? You all done with your hunting and fishing?”

Favre: “Who is this?”

Childress: “It’s Brad. Hey (barely able to stifle laughter), T-Jack took a nasty hit today in practice and looks like he’ll be out for a while (or as long as we can keep him bound and gagged). So, what say you get on up here and put on some purple and we go to work?”

Favre:  “If you call me again, I’m going to tell Longwell to shank some kicks. He still owes me for a deal I got him on an ATV.”

With Favre out of the picture, Minnesota, with losers Jackson and Sage Rosenfels now competing for the QB position, is in trouble. (Star Tribunecolumnist Jim Souhan compared Favre’s absence at Vikings training camp to the E Street Band showing up without Bruce Springsteen.)

What spells trouble for Minnesota spells good news for Green Bay.

You remember the Green Bay Packers, right? NFL team that plays up in northern Wisconsin in the smallest market in the country?

After a wildly eventful off-season last year, the Packers have had by far the quietest off-seasonof any team in the NFC North. That isn’t to say the Pack don’t have issues, chief among them the off-season switch from a 4-3 defense to a 3-4 under new (and fantastically toupeed) defensive coordinator Dom Capers.

But a defensive switch isn’t as sexy a story as the Bears acquiring Pro Bowl quarterback Jay Cutler, or the Lions grooming first pick overall Matthew Stafford to take over their UFL-grade team, or the Vikings getting burned one last time from Brett Favre.

No doubt Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson, after the circus atmosphere of last August, are happy to open training camp under the radar of the national media.

Last year there were endless questions about how Aaron Rodgers was going to perform in his first year as a starting quarterback; turned out all of that hand-wringing over his ability to play was largely a waste of time.

Now the main question surrounding Rodgers is wondering whether he or Cutler is the best quarterback in the division.

Both Rodgers and Cutler have faced difficult situations; last year Rodgers handled his team’s flirtation with the possible return of Brett Favre with remarkable maturity. Crybaby Cutler handled his team’s flirtation with Matt Cassel with remarkable immaturity, resulting in the trade to Chicago, a town not prone to embracing soft football players.

Though both have impressed on the field, give me a player with Rodgers’s thick skin over an ultra-sensitive one like Cutler any day.

With Favre out of the picture, a year of experience behind Rodgers, and a defense that is sure to improve over last year, I like the Packers to contend very strongly with the Bears for the NFC North crown.

The 2009 Packers quietly developing into a contending team? That’s more than I can say for the 2009 Brewers.

What a difference a year makes.

Brett Favre and ESPN’s Plan Of Global Dominance

Ronnie, You Rat!

Anybody who knows me knows that during the summer, I spend three glorious hours a week watching CBS’s Big Brother. I make no apologies for it, as I find the program endlessly entertaining.

However, this summer — thanks to a “gift” from DirecTV — I’ve been able to watch Showtime 2’s Big Brother After Dark, which is a nightly, three-hour  unedited and uncensored live feed of the Big Brother house from 11 PM-2 AM CST.

After watching it for just a few minutes, it’s quite clear that Big Brother After Dark is the dullest program I’ve seen since The New Zoo Revue. I now have newfound respect for the loggers and editors of the CBS version of Big Brother.

Like those Big Brother editors, who every week perform a small miracle in filtering through endless hours of unwatchable material to pull out three hours of pure gold, I’ve sifted through endless games, highlights, and sports-related articles to bring you only the most interesting weekly (OK, give or take a few days) news. 

So here we go: 

1. Brett Favre. A few months ago, I wrote several blogs about Favre’s possible return to the NFL to play for the Vikings. I eventully got complaints from some readers that my blog had too much Favre, similar to  my doctor telling me that my diet had too much soda. So I eased up on both. What happened? Page views for my non-Favre blogs dropped and I turned into a narcoleptic from caffeine withdrawal.  So from here on out, it’s all Favre and all soda all the time!

Anyway, there is now some spectulation that Favre, who weeks ago seemed poised to become the best old-fart Vikings quarterback since Randall Cunningham, is having second (or third or fourth or fifth) thoughts.

ESPN reported that if it wasn’t for potential teammates Steve Hutchison, Adrian Peterson, and Jared Allen encouraging him via text messages to join the team, he might already have decided to stay retired. (I’m impressed that the 39-year-old Favre knows how to text; I’m younger and I have no idea.)

So what’s the hold up? Favre’s surgically-repaired throwing arm apparently feels fine, his throwing motion since the surgery (according to Vikings coach Brad Childress) is good, the Vikings obviously want him, and it’s doubtful that Favre’s competitive fire has completely extinguished over the last couple of weeks.

Methinks that with the physical obstacle cleared (mostly, I’m sure last year’s performance has Favre still wondering whether he can actually withstand another 16 weeks of games, Favre is now finally contemplating the obvious question of “can I really play for the Vikings?”

Never mind that the Packers front office has given Favre their blessing,  never mind that most Packer fans have moved on to Mister Rodgers’sNeighborhood, never mind that the Vikings system seems a perfect fit for Favre, never mind that Favre says that playing for Minnesota is no big deal, that “it’s just football.”  

I believe Favre is seriously contemplating his legacy and is finally realizing that playing for the Vikings is not only a big deal but also a double-edged sword; if he can take the team to the Super Bowl (remember, the Vikings somehow managed a trip to the postseason last year despite being saddled with the two-headed goofball machine of Gus Frerotte and Tavaris Jackson at QB), then he will be the toast of the Twin Cities and Packer Nation will burn his enemy Ted Thompson in effigy for letting Favre go.

If Favre bombs in rival Minnesota, then the return will be an lifelong embarrassment for him and he will go to his grave enduring jokes about it, similar to how people still make fun of  Shelley Long for leaving Cheers or deride John Travolta for his series of talking baby movies.

I still say Favre puts on his purple jersey and plays — his decision is expected to come no later than July 30, the day that the Vikings open training camp — but I was wrong about the timing of his original retirement and I was wrong about the Packers taking him back when he changed his mind a year ago. I would not be surprised to be wrong again.

2. ESPN Conquers World. I read with interest this piece regarding the growth of ESPN’s local Web sites. According to the article, it has taken only three months for ESPN Chicago to become Chicago’s most popular sports Web site, and ESPN will soon add new sites focusing on New York, Dallas, and Los Angeles sports, with more to come.

Now, I love ESPN. I watch games on ESPN, I get much of my sports happenings from ESPN News, and I listen to multiple ESPN podcasts every week (PTI is just as good audio-only, and of course, there’s no commercials). But I also hate ESPN. More precisely, I hate its power. (Put in Big Brother 11 terms, ESPN is the “athletes’ clique” of the house.)

While plans apparently aren’t in the works for an “ESPN Wisconsin” Web site, you’d have to think that if the New York, Los Angeles, and Dallas sites are as successful as the Chicago site has been, then the self-proclaimed “Worldwide Leader In Sports” would have Wisconsin high up on its Web expansion list.

Why? Well, living here, we know that the passion that Wisconsinites have for the Badgers, Packers, and Brewers is unparalleled. And we also know how special our relationships to our teams are. Well, ESPN knows it too: Recently ESPN The Magazine released their annual “Ultimate Standings” of sports franchises, in which teams were ranked on how much they “give back to the fans.”

In the standings, both the Brewers (at seventh) and Packers (at 13) ranked in the top 15; Pittsburgh was the only sports market to have two franchises ranked higher. (Yes, I’m counting ”Wisconsin” as a single sports market, and no, these rankings did not rate collegiate teams.) 

So Wisconsin seems like an ideal location for ESPN to target with one of its “local” sites. Here’s where I get all indignant and rally for my readers to support their local sports columnists and reporters, which I unwaveringly do. Trouble is, due to recent cuts, there are less local sports columnists and reporters to support.

Do you live in Madison and want to read a local reporter’s take on the Milwaukee Brewers, one of the most fervently-supported franchises in all of baseball? Sorry, since laying off long-time reporter Vic Feuerherd earlier this year, the Wisconsin State Journal can only offer up generic AP stories. (I know several fans that would probably submit more compelling recaps for free.)

As a fan of several Wisconsin sports reporters and columnists, I hope that any inroads ESPN may attempt to make in supplying so-called “local” coverage here will be met with either indifference or outright anger. But what ESPN wants, ESPN usually gets. And Wisconsin media outlets may not be able or willing to offer much resistance.

3. UFL Misunderstood, Still Lame. In my last entry, I mocked the United Football League for being a colossal waste of time and money. Since then I heard a very interesting interview (yes, on an ESPN podcast. Damn it!) with the commissioner of the UFL who crystalized the goals of the league.

Instead of working against the NFL (which he acknowledged was a losing battle), he said the league will be working in tandem with the NFL in terms of developing talent and providing a place for second-tier players (like J.P. Losman, who recently signed up) to acquire more playing time.

Makes sense. I still won’t be watching.

4. Erin Andrews. Speaking of ESPN, this Erin Andrews peephole Internet video blather reminds me of why I have a love/hate relationship with the Internet similiar to my relationship with ESPN. 

Like most people, I can now no more imagine life without the Internet then I can imagine life without the microwave or indoor plumbing. But the power of the Internet to destroy someone’s privacy is scary. But not as scary as Joyce DeWitt’s mug shot.

Tell Mr. Furley I Used This Month's Rent For Bail Money!

Oh, before I go, Monday (July 27) is my thirteenth wedding anniversary. Thanks for putting up with me for thirteen great years, Keri. Your patience is remarkable. Happy anniversary.