Culpepper Catastrophe

There is an NFL quarterback for an NFC North team that is causing major offseason headaches for his team and its fans. And no, I’m not talking about Brett Favre. The understandable indecision coming from Favre over whether to retire or not looks very minor compared to the wacko behavior coming out of Minnesota Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper.

At the time of this writing, it appears that the Vikings have had enough of Culpepper’s increasingly bizarre antics and have decided to trade him before free agency begins at 12:01 AM Saturday. The team likely to acquire Culpepper appears to be Oakland, where Culpepper would be reunited with former Viking teammate and fellow headcase Randy Moss. Not only does it make sense for Al Davis to reunite the Culpepper-Moss combination, but it is logical for the Raiders to take on Daunte. The Raiders are, afterall, probably the only team more consistently dysfunctional than Minnesota.

Imagine that you flip burgers for a fast-food restaurant with locations nationwide. Now imagine — and this is the fun part — that you were involved in an incident in which you and several of your co-workers ALLEGEDLY participated in public sex acts with strippers flown in from out of town. The incident results in your company being the butt of jokes from coast to coast. Now imagine that you accidentally burn yourself on the french fryer and are unable to flip burgers for a year. Do you think that you would have the cajones to ask for a significant raise? Do you think you would have the cajones to ask for that signficiant raise on three different occasions? Of course not. But that’s just what Daunte Culpepper has done following his ALLEGED involvement in the Vikings sex boat scandal and his subsequent major knee injury when he failed to slide before being tackled during a October 30 loss at Carolina.

It’s not just the wrong-headed demands for more money after a horrendous injury and weeks of truly awful play that have the Vikings and their fans prepared to throw Culpepper overboard. It’s his decision to rehabilitate his injury in Florida and not in Minnesota, a decision that has cost him a chance to make nice with the Vikings’ new coach. He has also made the questionable decision to fire his agent and, with no training in such matters, represent himself. His ridiculous contractual demands and moronic public statements since that decision have underscored what a disasterous mistake that was.

In the latest in a series of e-mails sent to the media, Culpepper makes it clear that information he’s received from an “outside source” has led him to demand a trade or release from Minnesota. It’s funny that he’s relying on an “outside source” since earlier he unleashed rage on “people with knowledge of the situation” and “anomymous sources” who had been spectulating that he was about to be traded.

Those sources now appear to be correct, as a trade appears eminent. Viking fans are likely to sigh “good riddance,” and turn their attention to Brad Johnson, Brad Childress, Brad Pitt, Brad Paisley, Brad Garrett, or anyone that can help them forget Culpepper. Packer fans unfortunately will lament the Vikings ridding themselves of another instable influence and will turn their attention to their own star making trouble in Green Bay. And no, I’m not talking about Brett Favre. I’m talking about Javon Walker.

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