My Predictions Stink

I’m not ashamed to admit it. My history of sports predictions is about as impressive as Shelley Long’s movie career. Now that we’re closing in on the end of baseball’s regular season, let’s see how lousy I did at guessing which teams would be spending October playing baseball and which teams would be spending October catching up on their Gilmore Girls DVDs.

Well, I said that the Brewers would finish below .500. Sadly, that turned out to be true. I also said that the Cubs would be worse. That also turned out to be true. But — and here’s the funny one — I said the Cardinals would be “unstoppable.” Yes, those Cardinals. The team that just dropped eight of their last ten games and find themselves in danger of being knocked from first place in the NL Central to out of the playoffs entirely. Fortunately for them, they do play the Brewers this weekend. I look for the Cards to hang on and win the division. (And hey, Brewers fans, as much as it’s nice to have a series this weekend that actually means something, aren’t we sick of playing spoiler? Wouldn’t it be decent to be the team with a snowball’s chance in hell of actually making the postseason for a change?)

I predicted good things for the New York teams, saying the Mets would take the NL East and the Yankees would win the AL East. Although predicting the Yankees will win their division is a bit like predicting eating radishes will give me gas, all of a sudden I feel like my predictions maybe weren’t that bad.

Oops. I said Detroit would finish last in the AL Central. Yep, I suck. Oh, and I said the LA Angels would win the West. Wrong again, although the Angels did make it somewhat interesting.

Hey, I said that the Dodgers and Twins would win the Wild Cards. That was pretty good.

[On a sidenote, does anyone buy the tired injury excuses from the Brewers? One of the keys separating the good teams from the lousy teams is their ability to persevere through injuries, which seem to be more and more inevitable every year. Sure, the Brewers lost for considerable periods of time Ben Sheets, Rickie Weeks, Corey Koskie, and JJ Hardy, but the Twins lost Shannon Stewart, Francisco Liriano, Brad Radke, and Torii Hunter. You tell me which is a more impactful group of players and which team, with their respective injuries, should have gone in the tank faster. Hint: It ain’t the Brewers.]

Oh, and I picked the White Sox to beat the Cardinals. Not only was that a wussy pick back in April, it also proves to be a lousy pick in late September. The Sox are out, and the Cardinals look to be bounced early, if they make it at all.

Well, just because I stink at predictions, don’t mean I can’t keep making ’em:

World Series: Yankees over Mets. Yawn. New York loves it, the rest of the country turns off FOX to watch Grey’s Anatomy and Howie Mandel’s game show.

This weekend’s NFL:
NFC North:
Minnesota 20, Buffalo 10
St. Louis 35, Detroit 24
Chicago 17, Seattle 7
Philadelphia 38, Green Bay 27
Upset Special: San Francisco 27, Kansas City 20. The Chiefs stink. But not as bad as my predictions do.
Oh, and the Badgers will beat Indiana in a cakewalk. But you knew that already.


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