5 Reasons The Cardinals Can Win

The biggest question surrounding this year’s World Series between the Tigers and the Cardinals is not who’s got the best starting pitching, who’s got the momentum, who’s going to be the MVP, or even which FOX announcer is more annoying. The biggest question is: Can the National League representative — the Cardinals — win a game? After all, the NL hasn’t won a World Series game — that’s game, not series — since 2003, and this year in interleague play the AL put a collective hurting on the NL the likes of which I haven’t seen since CBS tried to program Murder, She Wrote opposite Friends.

So this series — featuring the red-hot Tigers, winners of seven straight playoff games, and the Cardinals — who should be exhausted after a seven-game series against the Mets, should be a borefest, right? Tigers sweep, right?

Not so fast. I don’t trust the Tigers that much. After all, this is the same team that choked the division title away by losing three in a row to the Kansas City Royals just a couple of weeks ago. And sure, the Cardinals didn’t exactly cruise into the playoffs either, but their players have more postseason experience than the Tigers. Maybe I’m just ignoring the obvious signs that this year’s World Series will be a laugher, but I think Cardinal fans have many reasons for hope. Here’s five:

1. If Detroit wins, you know their fans are going to burn down the city. The gods know that too, and they won’t allow it to happen.
2. There’s no drama on the Tigers team. Everyone is getting along too well. It’s boring and it makes players soft. Whereas on the Cardinals, you’ve got Scott Rolen and Tony LaRussa fighting like Kelly and Valerie on 90210. That keeps things interesting and also reminds me that the first season of 90210 is coming out on DVD next month. I hope Joe E. Tata has a piece of the action.
3. Jim Leyland, manager of the Tigers, claims to watch the movie Hoosiers at least once a week. That’s just wrong. Doesn’t he know that Space Jam is a much better basketball movie? I mean, you’ve got Michael Jordan and Foghorn Leghorn together. That’s genius.
4. Last time I checked, Albert Pujols plays for the Cardinals. Doesn’t it feel like he’s ready for a big series?
5. The Tigers haven’t played in nearly a week. You just know that Kenny Rogers, the Tigers’ ace and certifiable nutcase, hasn’t been using the time off productively. Reports out of Detroit claim that he’s been spotted at a local Tastee-Freez threatening the help with physical violence and annoying customers with a profanity-laced rendition of “Jack and Diane.”

All in all, I give the Cardinals a real chance. Heck, I’m saying they win it in seven.

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