Back In The High Life

All right, I’m back from vacation. And for those of you thinking about it, here’s a maybe not-so-little-known secret about traveling to Walt Disney World: Don’t go there with your children.

Don’t get me wrong, Disney World is a very enjoyable place to visit, but the only people having fun there are adults traveling with other adults. All parents visiting with their kids — and the kids themselves — are hungry, thirsty, tired, sweaty, cranky, frustrated, exasperated, confused, lost, hopeless, and basically dehumanized androids wandering around looking for any sort of relief from the long lines, high food and drink prices, and general chaos. And that’s if there’s good weather, as we were lucky enough to have.

Actually, because my wife is likely to read this, we had a delightful time. I have to also say that I believe that Disney World employs more people than live in the entire state of Wisconsin and it’s remarkable how pleasant all of them are. Either Disney World pays very well or there’s some sort of DHARMA Initative project going on that keeps everyone remarkably chipper in the face of, like I said, extreme chaos. Oh, and I love the tea cup ride.

Anyway, I fell a little behind on my sports while I was wandering through Tomorrowland and eating at character-themed meals (yes, I love having my food delivered by Eeyore), so I have some questions. Although I provide some answers, maybe some of you readers could write back to me at and elaborate.

Did the Giants really beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl? I believed that the game would be close, but the only reason I can truly believe that the Giants actually won is that I saw the game in crystal clear high-definition in my Disney hotel room (sad when your hotel room is nicer than your house), so there was no mistaking what I saw. It’s old news by now, but what a game. Looks like I’m going to have to resort to dumping on Archie if I feel the need to mock a Manning. And for anyone out there in love with “new media” who doubts the power of “old” television, look at the figures: 97.5 million viewers for the second highest rated program in TV history. Take that, lonelygirl15.

Should the Big Ten contract half of its men’s basketball programs? Purdue, Wisconsin, Indiana, Michigan State, and Ohio State are playing inspired, exciting basketball. Any of them — ok, Ohio State, the defending Big Ten champs, is going to have to pick it up and as I write this they’re losing to Michigan — look like they could go deep into the tournament. But boy, go any deeper than that and you’ve got some teams in serious rebuilding or freefallin’ mode. I haven’t seen such a stark disparity between good and bad since the days when Eddie Murphy and Mary Gross shared the stage on Saturday Night Live.

Why does Kelvin Sampson still have a job? Simple. Indiana, fresh off a surprising spanking of Michigan State, is winning. Ranked #13 in the nation, Indiana University is going to take its sweet time before showing Sampson the door. And if you think the fans care more about integrity than victories, check out what happened against the Spartans. Sampson was booed during introductions, but by the end of the game the crowd was chanting Sampson’s name as if he were a headliner at Coachella. Sure, Sampson will be a goner at some point, but if he was presiding over a train wreck like Northwestern’s basketball program, he’d already be providing in-studio analysis along Dave Revsine.

Will the Badgers’ men’s hockey team play at home again this season? Despite two road series on the horizon, it certainly appears as if Wisconsin will host a WCHA first round series in mid-March. But the team has to watch out for offensive lapses and could use a little more consistency come power-play time. But it looks like the seniors will be back at the Kohl Center next month.

Was former superstar Shaquille O’Neal really traded to the Phoenix Suns? I haven’t seen deterioriation this rapid since Genesis following the departure of Phil Collins.

Is there hope for the Milwaukee Bucks? Sure, like there’s hope for Jimmy Smits that CBS will renew Cane. But hey, at least they’re not the Timberwolves.

What about the Brewers’ outlook? Are you kidding me? It’s February. Let’s get through March Madness first.


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